Whole30 Day 30: That's a Wrap (a gluten-free wrap, of course)

We finished! Tomorrow when I wake up in the morning I will be able to have cream in my coffee if I want. Alas. I don't have any, so I guess that means I'll stick with the Whole30 drill...I will be adding some stevia. Okay, I confess...I've been putting 3-5 drops of stevia in my coffee all along. I just. couldn't. (I did cut the stevia dose by half, though from what I normally use) I tried, I really, really tried. The good news is, though, that I cut back my coffee consumption considerably, simply because I woke up feeling so much better and didn't need it! One cup of coffee in the morning was all I had most days, and a second if I was feeling cozy, but not because I needed to caffeine-launch myself into the day.

I know I've lost weight. I know I'm healthier. I know I'm actually enjoying vegetables again. I know that I can do this for the long-term. Of course I'm going to eat chocolate again, and the occasional paleo treat that I make for my family that includes honey or maple syrup, but the clean eating style of Whole30 is what I and my family need. I'll keep it.

Setting Helen Straight

The other day I posted this post about how CrossFit is more than a gym. I mentioned that as a family we did Helen and showed this photo of all of our scores.

Notice that I have "four rounds" written under "Helen." The three ticks under "Kelly" and "Matty" indicate that we had completed three rounds and Hubs did not make a tick mark for the fourth round. So, we did exactly what was written on the board. We all found it to be a very challenging WOD, and I was okay with my time...until...

The next day I proceeded to tell my good friend my time, etc. and she compared my time with hers...Oh. wait. Her worst Helen time was 15 minutes and some change. Whaaa? I'm not that slow! I mean, yes, I KNOW I'm slow, but that was ridiculous. All week long I puzzled over this. How is it that all three of us were in the 20-plus minutes range?

Then yesterday as we were driving to CrossFit, Matt was looking in his WOD book and suddenly shouted out, "Mom! Helen is only three rounds!"

Need I say more? I was relieved to know that I was not the slug that the score seemed to reflect. Slow, but not a slug.

Also, in case you were wondering about how I would feel after yesterday's nemesis WOD, (I am pretty sure you weren't but anyway,) I woke up this morning sore, but not severely. I am noticing as the day goes on, however, that I am increasingly sore in ways I have not experienced since doing CrossFit. It causes me to realize that, much as I don't like running, I really need to do much more of it.

Today I had the wonderful privilege of working out with my favorite buddy, my son. Because he missed one of his classes this week, he was allowed to join the WOD with me (with my supervision). Today's WOD was:

1RM OHS (mine was 80#, his was 60#)

then, 15, 12, 9, 6, 3 up and over box jumps and OHS @ 50% 1RM

Matt absolutely crushed this WOD. He came home feeling great about it and I was so happy for him. I know I've said it before, but I love doing CrossFit with my family. There are few activities in this world that bring us closer. The concept of going through that hardship and helping, encouraging, and congratulating each other through the process builds a sense of team and camaraderie that few families have the opportunity to experience. Exercising together may be one of the most valuable things a family can do together...more on this later, but if you haven't considered this for yourself or your kids, please do. You will not regret it.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

Yesterday Nick let me know that the kids' memberships need to be renewed. That means my membership renewal is coming up very soon as well.

When I signed up last year (I can't believe it's been that long), I was so very out of shape and so desperate for help. I knew that the hefty financial commitment would at least guilt me into going--no $10 per month "LA Fitness" running on treadmills and Zumba classes for me. No...I would jump into the deep end first and swim or die trying. I'm not direspecting  Zumba--it actually looks fun. I am disrespecting treadmills, make no mistake, but I digress. I took the hefty plunge and signed up for one whole year. Six months was not enough--it would have been too easy to excuse myself if progress was taking longer than I hoped. Two days a week were not quite enough. I needed a regular commitment for a longer period of time. I signed up for three days a week for one year.

Dan asked, "Are you sure?"

Say what? "Never match wits with a Cicilian when death is on the line," nor question me when I've made a decision. (insert chuffing noise here)

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings concerning the completion of one year, and while I haven't reached that point just yet, I do have to begin to consider seriously how I want to approach CrossFit in the future. Do I increase the days I go? How far do I want to take this? Do I ever want to compete? What does optimal fitness look like for me?

Now it is time to evaluate, ponder, pray (yes, I actually pray about these things, because God cares about every aspect of our lives), and finally decide. By next month's end I will have a new contract with CFW, new goals, new challenges, but quitting is not among the options.

Today was a baseline check-in plus 1 mile. My last recorded score for this WOD was 5:24. Once I got started with the WOD, however, I had to wonder if that was accurate.

500 m rowing
40 squats
30 situps
20 pushups
10 pullups
time: 6:23

There were several things going on that might attribute to the slower time. One is that the last time I had my #1 CF buddy, Justin, cheering me on, and I always work better when he is there. The second factor is that I had to pause several times on the squats, as my lower back was still very stiff from a tough deadlift last night. Oh, and I just looked back at the blog post for that WOD--it was the pull-up bands. I'm using a skinnier band than I used to and today those pull-ups were tough. All of these factors probably contributed.

With the one-mile run my total time was 21:03. This was after walking to the track to catch my breath, and that after dawdling a little, not realizing that we were not supposed to take a breather between the WOD and the run. I thought they were separate. With all that taken into consideration, I probably ran about a 10-11 minute mile. Slow, I know, but...today I ran the first unbroken mile I have ever run in my life. I have run a mile at CF before, but never unbroken.

In spite of still feeling like I am constantly at the back of the pack at CF, I look at days like today and realize just how far I have come. I have always hated running. Hated. Running. I have always hated it for the very reason that I was feeling on the first, second, and even third laps. Then I started thinking, "I did that one, I can do one more." Every lap I completed, I would count it and then think to myself, "Okay, one more" until all of them were done and I had not walked one step of that mile. 

Tonight I will celebrate this literal milestone. Here's to a great weekend!

**Wait...I have run an unbroken mile. I have run two. I used to jog around my mom's neighborhood when I thought I wanted to take up running when I was about 22. That was a very brief flirtation with running and so insignificant that I actually forgot it when I posted this. Still that mile is huge for me!

Just. Keep. Moving.

Today's WOD

4 rounds for time:

12 pullups
20 m walking overhead lunges, 25#
12 dumbell snatches
20 m walking overhead lunges, 25#
time: 20:28

It really doesn't look that bad in writing. When I started out, it didn't feel too awful, but by the end of the second round, I felt like I would never finish. Oh, right...I forgot. Lunges hate me. I don't exactly hate them--there are other movements that I dislike a lot more than lunges, and 20 m doesn't sound all that far. But when you're carrying 25 lb over your head, it's far.

I kept moving through the WOD, breathed when I needed to, but tried very hard not break for too long. Even so, I was the last one finished. I wasn't the last one done by a little bit, but by a lot, but on days like today I don't mind so much. This was one of those days when nearly the whole class was there, cheering me on every step of the way, pushing me not to give up, not to lose my focus. When I finally finished, I was completely spent, dripping sweat, sucking water down. It felt great. I knew I had given it every last bit of strength I had.

It's days like today when I can really get my head around the concept of competing against myself and no one else. I'm sure that nearly everyone in my class is stronger and faster than I am, but I really can't care about that. Today I proved to myself that I am stronger and better than I've ever been. I didn't blog about it, but yesterday I did multiple rope climbs in a WOD--a total of four. That is huge for me. Today I lunged with 25#, which was the Rx weight--another huge milestone. I have friends there who cheered me through--friends who know my fitness strengths and weaknesses, who even notice things like the huge knot on my shin from a plate bouncing back and hitting me--and they care. They're proud of me and I'm proud of them. It was a great day at the box.

Thanks Candace, Emily, Justin (who did the last 20 m with me), Tami, Fabby, Jen, Rachel, Dan, and everyone else who cheered for me. You're the best!

Crawling out of my Funk...

It was a great WOD today. I wouldn't say that I crushed it, but I did well. We did something a bit different with a coach-led warmup. Typically we just do the warmup as it is written on the board at our own pace, then come back together for class. Today we were given no information, but were led through the warmup and coached through the moves.

Okay, I'll make a confession here. Recently I may or may not have been getting a little lax in my warmups. I may or may not have been giving them my best effort, I may or may not skip a rep or two on occasion. Today, however, there was none of that. I was being watched. I shouldn't need that, but it really helps, and today when I left, I felt that I had really earned my score and that my whole workout was legit.

Today's WOD

Strength: 1 RM front squat (previous PR was 105#) Today's new PR: 135#

1/2 Cindy (10 minute AMRAP)
5 pullups
10 pushups
15 squats
7 rounds + 4 pullups, which is one full round plus improvement from my previous "Cindy"

Okay...maybe I did crush it, but I still have a long way to go...

Benchmark #5: Freedom

I wish I had a picture to show you of me with my kids kayaking on the river where I spent so much time when I was a kid, but I didn't want to risk taking my iPhone with me. I did take some shots of them before I jumped into the one-man kayak and headed up the river with them.

Two things compelled me, not the least of which was that their uncle allowed them to go in the kayak alone, while he watched from the dock. This freaked me out a little though he wasn't allowing them to go out of earshot. When I came down to the dock, however, I could not see how far they had gone, and I realized that they were feeling a little over-confident. These are city kids, see. They swim in swimming pools, and there are snapping turtles in that river water!

After calling them back and taking a few photos, another thing compelled me. It was the simple knowledge that "I can do this!" I hopped into the one-man kayak, grabbed a paddle and to their delight, said to the kids "C'mon! Let's go!" In the past I would have never done more than a short, somewhat disappointing paddle up the river if I even went at all, and I would have come home sore and stayed that way for days.

This time, however, I paddled as far as my Crossfitting son could go, and then pushed him a little more. The tide turned at just the right time and we paddled home with a light, favorable current. It was a gorgeous ride up to the "secret" part of the river where motor boats can't navigate well due to the shallow water and narrow passes between fallen trees. It was like having a huge, gorgeous garden, heavy with summer and noisy with wildlife all to ourselves! Turtles, fish, heron, ducks, blue dragonflies, birds, and spiders...It was all wonderful, except for the spiders. Time slipped away quickly, and I don't actually know how long we were gone, though my sister said it was quite a while. I came home with nothing worse than a blister. While we were going we felt like real adventurers paddling on the Amazon, discovering new worlds, but the river was a place so familiar to me--the memories of my childhood, and I was sharing it with my children.

We enjoyed this adventure so much that we repeated it, and went even farther today.

Upon my return home, I ran upstairs, changed my clothes, and ran off to CrossFit to try my one rep max deadlift. I PR'ed at 215 lbs, then endured 12 minutes of excruciating core work.

CrossFit espouses the notion that we are training for life, whether it is paddling with my kids, hauling kayaks onto a dock, or dead lifting at the box. It's pushing myself to be better, stronger, faster, and along with that sharper, wiser, and smarter. It's the the ability to be free from physical limitations and laziness. It's the physical stamina to remain a mentally acute student of life.

There are no guarantees in life, to be sure. My main objective in going to my hometown was to visit my mom, who has Alzheimer's and is living in specialized care. It is painful beyond description to watch the strongest, most influential person in my life deteriorate in such a horrible way. I watched her battle rheumatoid arthritis for all of my life, and the added blow of Alzheimer's seems an unjust and wicked sentence.

I don't know how we could have changed Mom's outcome. There are so many "if only's." Even so, as I look back on her life and the things that may have affected her health and her strength, I see where I can make radical course corrections in my life and can hope that I have made them in time. I want the freedom to enjoy my whole life, my children, my grandchildren, and even the wisdom and activity of my old age. I want to live my whole life free, in good health, with the people I love. I don't want my kids to suffer what I am suffering with my mom.

This is why I CrossFit. Thank you, CrossFit Woodbridge for being the place that has strengthened me to be able to have moments like this with my kids, my family, my life.

Hero WOD: White Challenge.

Lord. Have. Mercy.

What have I signed up for?

I plopped down my $45 for a "Hero WOD Challenge" at The Box which includes an extra day of skills classes each week for the month of June. I really wanted the skills classes. The WOD--not so much.

All during vacation I had nightmares (literally) about doing this WOD. I would wake up at that miserable 3:30 a.m. time thinking of how I could get out of it. I had a wave of understanding today that told me that I just didn't have to go. I wouldn't show up. I just need to stay home and avoid the stress.

I showed up--the sign of a true addict. I went to what I thought was going to be a skills class and Sara said, "How was vacation?" I was lulled back into jellyfish mode, smiling, relaxed and happy, without a care in the world. A second later she asked me, "Have you done the baseline yet?" and I was reduced to a groveling, begging, Gollum, pleading with her not to make me do the WOD tonight. You think I'm kidding? I am dead serious. She stood there with a smile on her face and said, "Everyone has to do the baseline. It's cool tonight, it won't be that bad." Mentally I was swearing at her and I'm not given to swearing as a general rule. And now, to make matters worse, I was responsible. I had talked good ol' Rachel Rae into doing the "skills class" with me instead of the WOD, which was hideous. She thought she was getting off easy. Turns out she hadn't done the baseline either. (Sorry, friend!)

Here's the WOD:
5 rounds for time:

3 rope climbs (in my case, 9 rope walk-ups)
10 toes-to-bar
21 overhead walking lunges
400 m run

score: 35:56

I couldn't even look at my BFF for encouragement I was so mad. I told another good friend that I felt like I was in hell somewhere around round 3. I came home and told my dear husband what happened and he burst out laughing...but then said how proud of me he was. He poured me a glass of wine and I told him that I felt like a real "badass" as they say around CrossFit. There really isn't another good word for the feeling, truthfully.

I guess I'm glad I did it. I'm surprised that I don't feel worse than I do. It is hard to shake the belief that I am weak and out of shape, but the truth is, I am no longer weak and out of shape. I just did three freakin' WODs in a row this week, and I am still upright, and not in agony. We'll see tomorrow...

My son said when I came home, "You know how Staples has the "That Was Easy" button? CrossFit should have one that says, "That Was Painful!" LOL...oh, how sincerely I agree with you, Son!

Family Accomplishments!

I love this picture of my son doing thrusters. Let me tell you that this kid WORKS when he does a WOD. He lifts heavy, pushes hard, and sweats. At age 11 he is doing 35 lb. thrusters, 55 lb. C&J, and can do 100+ lb deadlifts. I don't know what his actual max is because at his age they are not concerned with max weights, but with overall strength and technique. He is my best WOD buddy, and my greatest supporter. When we work out together I feel I cannot fail--the sound of his voice counting off reps strengthens me and makes me want to make him proud. We are in this together.

Today, Little Sister did not WOD because she is getting over a lingering cough, so I took Matt to CF Kids and he worked his tail off through that WOD of 40 thrusters, 40 box jumps, 40 sit ups, 40 overhead squats, and 40 burpees. While he was working out, I practiced different moves, as the box was essentially empty of classes. I worked on pull-ups, kipping, double-unders... When the WOD was over Coach Evy was helping some of the them work on their rope climbing technique. I have not yet been able to succeed in getting to the red line, so I decided to pull out a rope and give it one more shot. I got my first pull up the rope and without even knowing she had noticed, Evy came and in her very steady, calming voice talked me through the next moves. "You got this...pinch with your feet. Walk your hands up. Knees up. Pinch the rope with your feet. Walk your hands up. You're there just reach up and touch it [the 15' red line]." I heard someone from below say, "Look at Matty!" and I looked over to see him climbing to the blue 20' mark on the rope beside me!

We gave each other a huge hi-five when we came down! It was my first official rope climb, and unbeknownst to me he did it with me, and got his first 20' climb! It was a proud moment for both of us, and one I'll never forget.

Barbara!

I have never done this benchmark WOD before today. I was not looking forward to it, but I survived. It was an excellent opportunity to learn about my fitness levels, honestly. In three days I will have been doing CF for 6 months. What surprises me is that I am able to set a strategy now and stick with it. I am also glad to have seen my pace quicken rather than slow down as the WOD went on. This may not mean all that much to most people who did the workout with me as I was the last to finish, but this is one day when I opted not to compare my score with anyone else's--my goal was to finish. I set a pace for myself and kept it throughout the WOD--sets of ten with a short recovery. I finished in (wait for it...you are sure to be underwhelmed...) 44:04. Yes, it took me nearly 45 minutes to complete the workout. I did not even take the full 3 minute rests that were designated between sets in the last two rounds. It looks like this:

Barbara - 5 rounds for time
20 pull-ups
30 push-ups
40 sit-ups
50 squats
rest 3 minutes
time: 44:04

What was fascinating to me was that the WOD got easier as I went. Is that normal? The first round was by far my slowest and most difficult. By the third rounds my squats were finally loosening up and the fourth round I was popping out of the squats much more easily. I am excited to be able to say that I can keep moving for 44 minutes. It also didn't hurt that a couple of my friends finished the last 25 squats with me. It was hard, but I am so much stronger.

I cannot express how grateful I am for CrossFit Woodbridge, my friends who get me through these tough WODs with their support and encouragement, and the overall feeling of well-being I have now after these six months. It has been an amazing start to what is the rest of my life in this body...

Benchmark #4: Courage

There was one day I wrote about reaching a point where I was no longer afraid of CF. That WOD (Laredo) involved one of my fears (that would be of running) and yet I went and stared it down and finished. Friday, however, was not one of those days. It was the Filthy Fifty WOD and for some reason I felt completely freaked out. I was afraid. At the time I was not entirely sure why, but if I break it down I can probably figure it out.

1. I was afraid of the pain.
2. I was afraid that I would not be able to finish.
3. I was afraid that the coaches would be disappointed with my performance.
4. I was afraid to admit that I would need to scale some, afraid to admit to weakness.
5. Ultimately, I was afraid of what others would think of me if I couldn't do it...

When it was over I felt silly for having been so afraid, and had to ask myself, "Really? You were AFRAID of those things?" Well, yes...yes, I was.

I haven't spoken a lot about my faith in this blog, but this issue of fear and courage is one that is inextricably linked to my spiritual journey. While I don't think that CrossFit is a religious experience (though for many I'm sure it is), it is challenging my faith in ways I never realized it needed to be challenged, and being a soul contained in a physical body, I cannot consider my faith and fitness to be mutually exclusive. CF has certainly caused me to confront some fears that I have held for a long time and I don't just mean a fear of running! Rather, they are issues that go down to the very core of my character, and it takes courage to even admit that these things need to be addressed. When I am challenged in my faith, I have to return to scripture to sort things out, and in so doing I have been pondering this truth:

(II Timothy 1:7) God gave us not a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control. 

To put this in context, it should be noted that the Apostle Paul is writing this to his son in the faith--a young man who has seen the church ravaged by those who wanted to snuff out the Gospel of Christ and his followers. Paul is writing from prison, and this letter contains his last instructions to Timothy before he (Paul) is executed. Paul is not afraid. He is not ashamed. In spite of the real and present danger to his own life, he has chosen not to fear, because fear is not from God. Conversely, Paul has chosen to trust God with his life, knowing that it was only beginning and eternity awaited him on the other side. His identity came not from what he had done or what his accusers said about him, but what from what God had called him to do and to be, and he needed only to answer to Him. He fully embraced that spirit of power, love and self-control, using them to make the choice to defy fear and trust God entirely. His actions and choices changed the course of history. I doubt that mine are so significant, but Paul's God is my God and he loves me no less.

So, if fear is not from a loving God, then where / who does it come from? I'll let you answer that one yourself...If I am not trusting God, then I am choosing to embrace a lie that originates with the father of lies, and by embracing anything other than the truth of my God, I am in error, or if you can handle the word--sin.

As I look at my list of fears, they all boil down to "fear of man," and for you inclusive language folks, that means fear of people, not men.

(Proverbs 29:25) The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts the Lord is safe.

What?! The fear of man lays a trap for me. It is not man that lays the trap but fear! What trap? Whatever my mind and the lies have conjured up for me to imagine is there. If I fear that there are traps laid for me without any proof of their existence, then I will resist travelling a given path, regardless of what the truth about it actually is. By fearing, I miss God's will for my life--his best for me. Fear is absolutely, positively, a choice. Self-control must prevail in order not to fear.

Here's one more:

(I John 4:18) There is no fear in love, because perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

The love that is referred to here is God's love--his perfect, cleansing love that promises me eternal life through faith in the death and resurrection of Jesus. God promises that if I choose to identify with that, then I do not have to face eternal punishment. With that knowledge, do I have any need to fear anything? Anyone? A box jump? A mile of running? A bit of pain that is fleeting, and will only make me stronger in the end? God commanded Joshua the following before he led a nation of people into a land where they were going to essentially invade and overtake a hostile people:

(Joshua 1:9) Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

It would seem that Joshua had real reasons to be afraid, but he did not--God was with him. He is with me. That same God that parted the Red Sea and flattened the walls of Jericho is present daily in me by his Spirit. I have nothing to fear--and certainly nothing that CF can hand me.

Filthy Fifty

I went into today's WOD completely freaked out. So much for not showing up afraid anymore. I had heard rumors of the Filthy Fifty, and didn't really think it was going to turn up on one of MY workout days. WRONG. It is every bit as hard as they say.

As I sit here writing this my whole body is drained...I am sore on a cellular level. No, really! My cells are sore. I can tell.

Filthy Fifty
50 box jumps (I did step-ups)
50 jumping pullups (I did 30)
50 KB swings (@20#)
50 walking lunges
50 knees to elbows (I did 20)
50 push press (@30--RX was 35, so close!)
50 back extensions (we did "good mornings" with a barbell over the shoulders)
50 wall balls (I did 30)
50 burpees
50 double unders (I did 150 singles)

This WOD adds up to 500 total reps. I was 70 short of that due to the reps that I scaled. I had decided that I wanted to go through all of the movements, because there was a time cap of 35 minutes. Otherwise we would have been stopped at whatever point we were when time ran out. I finished in 34:20, though I'm not sure if I finished the WOD or it finished me. Either way, stick a fork in me...I'm done!

Benchmark #3 - Respect

I gained a nugget of wisdom today from an old friend. We were talking about CF (because it's all I ever talk about right now!) and I told her that one of the reasons I decided I needed to get moving is because my kids had only ever seen me sedentary, and I needed to lead them into a more active lifestyle. In response she said something that really made me stop and think, and it is this: If we do not allow ourselves to change, or we set an example of something that is not good for us (such as a sedentary lifestyle), then eventually our children will lose respect for us. Even more, they will lose respect for "mother"--that identity, that role, that office. "Mother" becomes a static point in their past who can not speak authoritatively into their lives because she has ceased to learn, grow, change, or to keep pace with them. I am not saying that we have to do the same things that they do or be enmeshed in their lives in an unhealthy way. On the contrary, they need to see that we are individuals--that our lives do not spin solely on their axes, but that we have lives that we are cultivating by being active, dynamic learners of human existence! If it so happens that we are sharing a common interest, even better!

There was this one hurdle to cross, however. In the past I didn't want my children to see me being weak, or at my worst. I didn't have respect for myself or what I had allowed my body to become. I knew I needed to do better. I knew that I was full of excuses. I knew that I hated how I looked. I needed to to regain respect for myself. 

You know those moments in life when someone says the simplest thing to you, but it is the wisdom for the moment to cover just about everything? Well, I was grousing to my coach about ring dips at class. I am terrible, even at assisted ring dips, so I asked my coach for an alternative. He gave me a thicker band (more assistance), set me up and told me to suck it up. More specifically, he got in my space, towered over me (he's a Marine officer and about 6'5") and said with a twinkle in his eye, but in all seriousness, "I hear your excuses and I'm not buyin' 'em."

Right. Thank you. Excuses are the front door to loss of respect. When I hear people whining about what they can't do, I want to walk away and say, "talk to the hand," but unfortunately I cannot walk away from myself. 

In the last three months, I have learned so much about what it means to be an example to my kids and demonstrate self-respect. We have all discovered the joy of exercising together. I am ashamed to admit that I used to be very private about exercise--I would not do it around the kids. I hated for them to see me sweat, I felt weak and out of shape and I did not want them to see at my "worst." However, I finally realized that they need to see me rise up and face my weakness, and that this in itself was leadership. I have allowed them to see me sweat, suffer, and be challenged. They share in my victories and miseries and I in theirs. I have done WODs with them that were tough for all of us. I am still usually last to finish, and there is no greater feeling than having my kids cheer for me saying "Come on, Mom! Just five more! You're almost there!" 

Matt is finding his niche with CF. He is already doing things that are pretty spectacular, and he throws himself completely into it. He enjoys the activity and the challenge. He is getting to know the  coach and the other kids at the box, and doesn't want to miss class. He is supporting his little sister who also thinks she is one tough cookie to be hanging and doin' with all the bigger dogs. She enjoys having his support.

I have raised my kids to have a deep faith and walk with God. Now I have to teach them to respect all of His creation including themselves. I guess that means I must start with me.

Matt easily clears a 24" box

Learning handstands

The CF Kids Woodbridge class is so fun and supportive!

Sibling support!

After a WOD together at home

Benchmark #2: Vision

This has been my most difficult week of CF so far. I have had varying degrees of success at three different benchmark WODs--Fran on Monday, Elizabeth on Wednesday, and Nancy today.

Nancy: 5 rounds for time
400 m running
15 overhead squats (OHS)
Time: 19:57
I am thrilled that I finished in under 20 minutes. Thrilled. So in my little beginner CF world, I crushed it.

Knowing that I was going to have to run in below-thirty degree weather had me awake last night, tossing and turning for two hours. I was literally wrestling with myself as to whether or not I was going to do this. I was facing the reality of being quite sore, as I had inadvertently overdone exercise yesterday with 500 reps of jumping rope followed by practicing box jumps. My knees were hurting, my triceps were still very sore from Elizabeth and running has always, always been my nemesis. It took every bit of mental strength to tell myself that I could / would do this today. But as I lay in bed, fretting over my sore muscles and feeling sorry for myself that I was going to have to run in the cold, I had a couple of revelations.

• CF is designed to push me to the outer limits of what I can do psychologically. What I mean by this is that whatever I think I can do, CF knows that I can do more. I have reached my level of "can't" when I experience muscle failure, or simply do not know the proper technique for something. Muscle failure is merely a temporary limitation. I will be stronger on the next attempt, and so for now I will switch to a more scaled option. Lack of knowledge is easily fixed by asking a coach, watching videos, and practicing. 

The fact is that now that I have experienced this feeling of being pushed further than I thought I could go, would I really be satisfied with anything else? Anything less would be tantamount to failure. Failure is not an option, here. There is always a way through whatever is presented, always a way to scale, always a little more push. When I fall unconscious or die, then I'll say "I can't do it today." Last time I checked I was still breathing and conscious.

• I must have VISION to see through today's WOD.   The thing that got me to the box today to complete this WOD is the establishment of a VISION that has been emerging for the last two months. I realized early on that I cannot just careen from workout to workout in a haphazard way, wondering what was going to befall my poor body. I have to have an understanding of where I am physically, who I am mentally, and where I want to be in the future in both of those areas. I have never been strong--in fact I am probably one of the weakest people I know, especially after being largely sedentary aside from walks and the occasional hike. So here I am at the beginning of my thousand-mile journey. Will I make a commitment to myself for the rest of my life, or is this an experiment? Research proves what common sense knows well: that I must commit to peak fitness for the remainder of my life, or I will lose my health through disease or injury and lose my mental capacity and my ability to think clearly. It is pretty common knowledge that fitness is tied to both of these things. Therefore, today's WOD is just a tiny stepping stone in that direction. I have to see through this to who I am and who I want to be! Success, and even perceived failure in one workout have little to do with the VISION of a life lived to its healthy fullness, but the accumulation of these over time build up to a treasure of fulfilled VISION.

Today I was so encouraged to have those who finished ahead of me cheering me on, pushing me to go lower in my squat and to finish strong on my run. I really was able to "see through" the experience of pain and exhaustion to the completion of the workout. Thanks Justin, thanks Pamela. Thanks to everyone who said "good job!" and gave a hi-five. Just. Thanks.

I know that there will be many more days like this, and to get through them is going to take discipline and leadership, which are other "benchmarks" that will be coming up in later posts. For today, it was VISION. It got me through. I won.

By the way, I have never felt so deserving of a weekend in my life. 

Dear Elizabeth, I have a Confession...

Oh, man, I have so far to go with this. I think for a moment that I am making progress, and then I have an epic failure that reminds me that I am (still) mortal. Everything felt hard today. I am not sure why, except that maybe over the last few days I have not eaten as clean as I should have and I am still sore from Fran, but really, I don't have a clear explanation for why today was so hard! In the warmup, it felt as if I was doing every movement in deep sand, my legs felt very heavy, and things that are getting easier for me were burning deep.

Elizabeth, like Fran, is a benchmark WOD that is 21-15-9 cleans and ring dips.
I have only done ring dips one other time, and not very many reps of them. I have done ring holds with a band before, but not actual dips. On my set of 21 I was only able to complete 16. I simply could not raise myself up one more time. On my set of 15 I made it to 13, and on the last set I made it to 6. When I say I couldn't do more, the question is couldn't or wouldn't? I'm not entirely sure--it may be a combination of the two, but at one point I did experience muscle failure when I simply could not raise myself up one more time and lock out my arms...even with the band. The bad news is I failed at ring dips. The good news is, I can only improve from here.

In preparation for the next time I have to do ring dips, I will practice doing bench dips here at home. I found this article at CrossFit One World on building a progression to ring dips. I think I may need to try this, rather than just jump in with the big dogs.

I Hate Fran

Need I say more? Fran is a WOD that uses that odd combination of reps "21, 15, 9" and leaves you feeling like you were just beaten and mugged. Consequently, my post will be short today.

21 thrusters (35 # - Rx for women was 65#--not there yet)
21 pullups
15 thrusters
15 pullups
9 thrusters
9 pullups

Time: 10:18
Arms: immobile

My sweet DD 7 likes to pray for me before I leave for my workouts because she knows I'm scared. Today she prayed I wouldn't be the last one to finish. I wasn't. I was second-to-last. But I'm totally cool with that because God answered her prayer.

You read that right--I am actually scared before I go. Every time. I still go. I still win. I am not going to give up.

Happy New Year!

Good News, Bad News, or, Mother Said There Would be Days Like This

When I woke up this morning there was an anomaly in the atmosphere, and it was affecting my life. I woke up late, looked in the mirror and had such dark circles under my eyes I looked like I had been punched, in particular in my left eye. I dragged downstairs, got my coffee, and trudged to the box.

Okay, the good news first. I PR'ed my first weight. (PR means Personal Record.) I back squatted 125# where my baseline was 105#.

Now the bad news. I did not Rx the WOD. Translation: I did not do the WOD as prescribed. In fact, I did not even come close. The hideous truth is that everyone said, "good job," but I knew that I really hadn't done very well--they weren't the ones counting my reps.

The WOD was "Annie," 50, 40, 30, 20, 10 double unders and situps. I was able to complete about half of the required reps in 13:38. Everyone else was cleaning up. I was not able to master my rope or my frustration. I had difficulty with my rope, concern about my lower back (which is still sore from dead lifts on Wednesday) and at this point I can only do so many sit-ups, which today was around 100. I have no idea how many reps of jump rope I did, because I have to 3x the number on the WOD since I can't do a double-under. I just lost count.

Today was my worst CrossFit day so far. Good thing there will be more chances to try again.

Death by Pullups!

Today was actually a fun WOD. I don't usually think of them as fun in the moment, but I thoroughly enjoyed today's workout. First, I had missed Monday because I was not feeling well, and so my body was not hurting at all when I went in today. I had no stiffness or soreness in any muscles from last week, and I've had a couple of nights of good sleep, so I felt fresh and ready to go.

First I learned how to do a dead-lift. Boring, but good. Maxed out at 125#. My favorite lifts so far are the bench press and hang cleans (except for the bruises I sometimes get on my clavicle, but never mind).

Then the WOD was "Death by Pullups." That meant as many reps that you can complete in one minute on that minute of the workout, so 1 pullup the first minute, 2 the second, 3 the third, etc. I maxed out at 10 in 1 minute and then my left arm was burning so much that I couldn't get more than 5 in the 11th minute, so I was done. 10 + 5 was my score. I had hoped to get to 12 or 14, but next time. Even as I sit here typing, the pain in my forearm is making it hard to type! All together that was a total of 60 reps for my workout.

I had some concern coming in today that I would have lost some strength due to not having been there for a couple of extra days, but actually I found the opposite to be true. Coming in fully refreshed and recovered I was stronger than I have been. In the warm up there were 20 kettle bell swings and up until now I have used the 20lb bell. In the first set of ten I used the 20 lb. bell and it actually felt light. There was nothing between the 20 and 35lb bell, so I switched. Ho! It was much heavier, but in the switch, the coach gave me some very good pointers about how to tighten up and breathe correctly, and I was able to rep out the next 10 without any problem. Also, I was able to do the first 5 minutes or so with the next lighter band than I have been using for pull-ups, so I'm making a little progress there. I hope to be using the green band exclusively within a few weeks.

CrossFit Kids: 1/2 Angie

The kids went to CrossFit tonight. I asked them how they felt after the WOD. "Great! Didn't even break a sweat!" they said.

Um. 50 Pull-ups, 50 push ups, 50 sit-ups, 50 squats. Didn't break a sweat? I'm signing you up for Crossfit Games, kids.

Mind you--Coach had Molly do 25 reps, but when you are 7 and barely 50 lbs, it might as well have been 50. 

Benchmark #1: Humility

Today's WOD was a benchmark WOD:

20 minutes of skill of your choice before or after WOD
Row 500 m
40 air squats
30 sit ups
20 pushups (I'm still doing "girl pushups" on my knees)
10 pull-ups (gray band)
Time: 8:22 

Today as I was driving home from my WOD, I felt like crying. There was more than one reason that I wanted to cry - first was because I felt nauseated and sore. I could not have pushed harder or better than I did today, and I was really happy because I "crushed" it today. They were all skills I have now with some scaling, and I felt really excited about finishing hard. Another moment of success was completing 5 burpees without getting on my knees, but was able to do at least half of a regular pushup in the movement.

The other reason I felt like crying was because all of this is extremely humbling. Starting as a beginner in a room full of experts, or at the least very accomplished athletes, has the effect of making me feel very silly, small, childish... For example, on the skill portion of the workout I chose to work on kipping--a move that is intended to help the body get higher on the bar when doing pull-ups. "Kipping" does not result in a strict pull-up, but it requires a set of movements that I have never seen before, let alone attempted to do. Seeing as how strict pull-ups are still really hard for me, this was daunting. The combination of moves makes sense in theory, but physically, I do not yet have the strength to put them together. After several attempts to do the move with the coach's help, I tried several more times, and by then my arms were burning, and all I could do was hang on the bar with my raw hands, which felt both good and bad. My skill work lasted maybe 7 minutes. I decided to move on to the jump rope--something I hate to do because after two difficult birthing experiences I have, well, issues with jumping. My goal was to get 20 reps with the rope without getting tangled in it. This I succeeded in doing, after several attempts. I'm afraid that I will need a few more shots at "kipping." (see video-this is NOT how my first attempts at kipping looked!)

As I started my WOD, one of the guys in my class helped me count down and push through the rowing part. Then another guy and a girl joined in and cheered me through my ENTIRE workout. I had never rowed before except in warmups, and my legs were on fire by the time I got off the machine and went to my squats. HO! Those 40 squats burned, and I wasn't even getting down low enough! Then the situps, then the push ups, then the pull-ups, and the whole time these guys are saying "C'mon...You're halfway...only 5 million more!" On the one hand I love the support, and on the other I hate that I need it. I still feel so awkward, so inept.

This whole experience is growing in me an understanding of the concept of discipline. Proverbs 12:1 says, "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid." (Yes, the Bible actually says "stupid.") If I cannot allow myself to be taught, trained, and disciplined, it is only my pride at work. So let the pride be wounded--it is no harm to my body. Proverbs 16:18 says "Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall." Discipline hurts. every. time. and still, pride is wounded more easily than the body. It is not the physical pain that could make me quit this as easily as the ache in my pride that I can't do what the others can do. If I can break my pride here with each WOD, then I hope I can break pride in the other areas of my life. So am I training my body here or my pride? The answer is Yes.