Whole30 Day 23: What is Fitness, Really?

I've been thinking about fitness for two and a half years now, or nearly. I have gone from what I would describe as being completely "unfit" or "out of shape" at the beginning to having (for me) a reasonable level of physical fitness--one that the conventional medical community would probably sign off on, but in my own opinion needs a lot of improvement. I want to improve my core strength, my running skills (when this foot heals up, which is taking a long time), and increase my endurance. I want to continue to reduce my body fat percentage. Thankfully Whole30 is helping in that department, but I still have quite a way to go. But I'm describing here things that only pertain to bodily health.

My experience has shown me that physical fitness is only one-quarter of an equation that I would term overall fitness or well-being. All four areas must be attended to if one wants to be considered truly fit. In order of importance they are: spiritual life, emotional health, material stewardship, and physical fitness. This is not to imply that one must be mastered before another--rather, they are like spinning plates that all must be kept spinning, but at different times one or another may start to wobble. As our skills develop, we are able to tend to more plates more efficiently, but even so, they must be started at some point, and if I were to choose the focus of what must be started when, that is the order.

I place spiritual fitness at the top of the list because really it is the only thing that matters when you lay your head on the pillow at night, not knowing if tomorrow is another day or not. Are you at peace? Are you in right relationship with God? Do you know that you know that you know that your life is secure for eternity? It is from this point that all of the other elements flow.

I place emotional health second because that is a direct link to our spiritual life and every relationship that surrounds us. Are you in right relationship with the people around you? Can you look everyone in the eye without judgment, regret, or pain? Can you forgive others when they wrong you? Do you feel comfortable in your own skin, when you are all alone, or when you are in a crowd of people? Are you at peace with people? Why is this second to spiritual life? The answer is simple--When you are in right relationship with God, right relationship with people follows. When we are constantly striving to find our validation from others, to compare ourselves to others, or to compete and best others, we are worshiping what we are and not who God is. Other humans are not going to sign the admission ticket to eternity. God is. When we see ourselves and others in the proper light of who we really are according to God, it is actually very easy to be at peace with others. The cool thing is that God really, really loves you. and them. even the ugly difficult ones. So stop whatever it is you are doing to try to be better, or work harder. He really doesn't care and neither do those others--God and those other people just want you to be yourself and love them. The great part is you will hold your head higher and sleep better. You will be at peace.

Stewardship of our money and possessions is third on this list because with our spiritual and emotional health in place, we can have a completely different perspective on our money and stuff. If you are living for an eternity which does not rely on our wealth or possessions then those things suddenly mean much less than they did. If you are living in right relationship with people and loving them as you should, what you have to give is yourself, not money and junk. Of course possessions are part of life and we have actual physical needs for certain things, but when we get down to the nitty-gritty, it is so much less than we trick ourselves into thinking we need! We can begin to redirect our resources to meeting the needs of others and showing love in a new and different way rather than self-medicating ourselves with possessions, shopping, alcohol, food, or anything else that we tend to indulge and wallow in. These things ultimately become the proverbial albatross around our necks that we later struggle to rid ourselves of. Getting our financial houses in order helps us to order our priorities, learn to live with less, save for the future, and give to others from our abundance.

Don't assume that because physical fitness is last on the list that I believe it to be unimportant. Quite the contrary. It would be difficult to separate it from financial stewardship in its value simply because it is also a matter of stewardship. 

How we live in our body affects every other aspect of our lives. It is the mirror that reflects how well we are managing the other three aspects of our existences, and it is the plate that must be kept spinning if the others are to function properly. When the body is healthy the mind is clear, the emotions are elevated, the perspective is brighter. When we are in good health we are able to actively attend to our spiritual health our relational health, and our financial stewardship. Every day that we are upright and moving we need to be contributing to the continuation of that state, for every moment invested in our physical well-being will pay dividends. Even in the event of a sudden loss of health, a better level of physical fitness will help in recovery or even enable us to mentally deal with whatever may come. A person who is spiritually and emotionally fit will long to live an active, disciplined life that is productive and changes the world for the better. Physical fitness is vital to the equation. 

So go ahead--spin the plates. Start somewhere, but start. The sooner you start the sooner you can build the skills to have a truly fit life.

What I Want out of CrossFit

So I've been doing CrossFit for a year and a half now. The honeymoon is over. I've had the week when I was too sick to go in and WOD and had to fight to get back into the groove. I have had bouts of insane jealousy and have wigged out from comparing myself to others to the point that I felt like quitting altogether. I have come to terms with my hips and with the reality that I will always have them. I have strained my back (not doing CrossFit, ironically) and have had to work back up to strength and still haven't reached my PRs again. I have competed and finished at the bottom or near-bottom 9 times and concluded that I am better for the experience because I gave it my all.

Then the other day I PR'ed my 5 RM dead lift at 195 lbs. and that was my goal going in. I would have liked to get 200, but it was a PR and I was happy with that. I did not miss on my form and did not strain my back, however, after that lift and the WOD that followed, my lower back muscles, glutes, and hamstrings were so tight that I could hardly get up off the floor or get in and out of my car. No fun. Yes, I stretched. Yes, I rolled out. Still...that night I couldn't turn over without waking and groaning. I tried to stand up the next morning as I was getting out of bed and promptly fell over. It was pretty hilarious, so don't try not to laugh. I laughed out loud at my poor self, and didn't feel bad about doing it. I wasn't even insulted.

Even so, I had to ask myself, "Is this really worth it? What am I, a 44 year old woman, trying to accomplish here? Is it worth all this pain and suffering?"

Today my husband and I really pondered that question, as we have undertaken this journey together. He asked me what I really want out of CrossFit, and surprisingly the answer was so easy to give:

1. After not being athletic or even using my body properly for most of my adult life, I am retraining it to move well.

2. I want to have the stamina and strength to take a 5 mile hike, go kayaking, or ski with my family and not be sore and exhausted.

3. I want to be able to play, run and enjoy life with my kids.

4. I do not want osteoporosis, Alzheimer's, or any other manner of degenerative disease that comes from an unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle. I want to keep active both mentally and physically until my dying day.

5. I want to be strong enough to be able to pick up my grandchildren. I didn't have kids until my 30s so I won't be a grandma until my late 50's or early 60s. I want to be fit enough to be able to hold my grandbabies for as long as I want and not be exhausted from chasing them when they are toddlers. I want to be the best grandmother ever, so you'd better believe I'm training for it now.

As I read over this, I realize that none of these goals had anything to do with achieving a certain dress size or keeping up with any person at the gym. None of them had to do with what I see in front of a mirror but what I see from behind my eyes, from within my heart. If I never looked in the mirror, or stepped on the scale, if I never looked at Facebook, if I never measured anything, would I think that I wasn't doing enough? If I only go based on how I feel physically and mentally, would I know that I was improving?

(Of course it is a rhetorical question. Insert "duh" here)

So, is it worth it? Without a doubt. My greatest competition is the race against time, and every improvement I make is a milestone in that race. I don't need to PR my dead lift every time. I don't need to do 30 strict pull-ups this year, or maybe even ever. It's just not that important to me. As long as I am lifting as heavy as I can, moving as fast as I can, building skills and improving myself in mind, body and spirit, I am winning that game...

Why Today is Significant...

Today is the Feast of St. Crispin, or St. Cripsin's Day. I know...Stop everything you're doing...You can't believe you have missed this amazing feast for all of your life, and now you know. Ignorant no more...

October 25 of this year is also significant because it is the one-year anniversary of the first CrossFit WOD of my life. I will never, ever, forget it. I lunged, wall-balled, and did sit-ups for the longest AMRAP of my life. I didn't know it was possible to hurt in as many places as I did after that first WOD. Still, I went back two days later, and signed up on the 28th. This is also Matt's one-year anniversary mark, as he attended the kids' class that same day.

So much has changed since then. Two days ago I was running around outside with my son, throwing a football, and nothing was hurting. I asked him if he remembered this time a year ago, how I would never have been able to do that without real pain, and I probably wouldn't have wanted to do it because I lacked energy. He said simply, "No." He doesn't remember, or chooses not to think about it.

I have brought friends into CrossFit and made new ones. I have forged relationships with people that I would never have considered before. I have found a community that truly cares about fitness and health and works incredibly hard at achieving them. I have been entertained watching some of the most fit, elite athletes compete against each other in the CrossFit Games, and supported friends from our box as they tried to make it into that group of the "Fittest on Earth."

Most significantly, however, I have changed, not just on the outside, but on the inside. I could post my before and after photos, but there is so much more than just how I look. Yes, I have changed physically--I have lost inches and gained pounds of muscle. I look better and feel better about my appearance, and have a new level of confidence in how I present myself (so my husband says). But today as I was getting dressed, I looked in the mirror and thought "strong, fit, and functional." I eat clean, I work out hard, I play more and am far more active than I was before. My doctor has informed me that I am "extremely healthy." I have stopped worrying about missing out on life because of ill health, and have started living it to the max.

A couple of months before I found CrossFit, I had prayed sincerely that God would help to break and heal the cycle of my sedentary, tired, achy life. I know that he heard me and answered my prayer. I knew that it was nothing that a lightning bolt from heaven would fix, but that I would have to be actively involved in the process of getting better. I just didn't know where to turn or how to start. I have thanked my coaches and friends for their help along the way many times, but my greatest thanks goes to God for hearing me and showing me this path.

That said, in honor of St. Crispin's Day and our one-year mark, I want give a shout out to my "band of brothers" who have sweat with me, suffered with me, encouraged and cheered me along this journey so far. We have signed up to do a 4-week challenge called CFW Classics: Helen, Fran, Elizabeth and Isabelle. We go tonight to do battle against the cold, our nerves, and our weaknesses. Enjoy this clip from Shakespeare's Henry V, which does a beautiful job of expressing this sentiment. Listen for these incredible lines:

"He that hath no stomach for this fight, let him depart..."

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers
For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother"

"Then he will strip his sleeves and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'"

"All things be ready if our minds be so!"

So see? It IS signifcant that it is St. Crispin's day...and my one-year CF anniversary...and the beginning of the Classics. Good luck, people. We're going to crush Helen and put her name to rest.

CrossFit: More than a Gym

One of my favorite WOD buddies is moving. For the last year Fabby has been coming consistently to the same 9:00 class that I attend, and bringing her adorable baby girl. It has been so much fun to work out with her and to get to help her with her little one for all these months. We have watched the little punkin go from "tippy," sitting up and grinning, to "toddling," into everything and still grinning. I know that next week is going to feel very bare without them at that class...

My point is, however, that in a CF community, you aren't just seeing faces at the gym. I have forged relationships with people that I would never have met or considered potential friends in my usual circles. It was a lovely hodgepodge of people that got together and enjoyed lunch and margaritas together to celebrate Fabby and the time we have spent suffering together!

Then there was this weekend. CrossFit Impavidus held a Teen Gauntlet competition and several of the guys from our box competed, including one of my son's regular workout buddies from his class. I originally had thought it might be a good idea for him to compete, but decided I would like for him to check out the situation first. When we got there, it was so amazing to see how glad our friend was that we were there, and I was so happy to be able to support him in this effort. I was also amazed that I had a voice the next day, after nearly screaming my head off for these kids! Even so, it wasn't just classmates that showed up, but even adults from our box who don't have kids came to cheer on the teens and encourage them.

Then there was today, which happens to be "Columbus Day." In my mind it is the lamest excuse for a day off ever invented, but even so, it was a federal work holiday (haha, the government has been furloughed for two weeks) and the box had "holiday hours," meaning only two classes. "Holiday hours" + an overcrowded box + an inevitable hero WOD = no class for me that day. I don't enjoy working out in a crowd, so we stayed home and did Helen as a family. Matt and I did the WOD first while hubs tended the clock and Molly cheered for us. Dad did the WOD next and the rest of us cheered our heads off for him. It was hard--half of our 400 m run is uphill! But we all survived and enjoyed the results of that WOD together as a family.

sweaty, but still smiling!

CrossFit has become so much more to us than just the gym where we work out. It has become friendships, relationships, a team, and an important component to our family life that brings us closer and keeps us healthy both in mind and body. It's more than just a gym.

Hahahaha! See this post about what I learned later this week about Helen!

I Heard Myself Say...

I heard myself say to a friend as we rolled out our backs after the WOD on Wednesday,

"I need this more than I hate to sweat."

Truly, it is Providence that brought me to CrossFit in October. The only real issue I have with cold weather is that I tend to wheeze when I run in temperatures under 40 degrees, but an inhaler helps with that. As long as I'm warm, I'm okay.

Hot weather is not my friend. I happen to live in an area of the country that specializes in 90-degree, 90 percent humidity, and I absolutely hate to sweat. I truly believe that if I had begun CF in this time of year, I would not have lasted long. However, I have been showing up for the torture treatment consistently for 7 full months now, and the gains I have made make me fear what life would be like without CF, so I am actually willing to sweat in the heat and humidity to keep what I have.

Which brings me to the other thing I heard myself say:

"Because of CrossFit, I finally feel like myself."

Okay, so it's not the most articulate or profound sentence in the world--it's actually hard to put this feeling into words, but the truth is, I have no reasons to be down on myself, lots of reasons to be confident, and every reason to keep going. I have more energy, I feel good, I'm eating really well (as in not only am I eating clean, I'm enjoying my food completely and I'm not hungry). I feel mentally and physically tough. I've let go of so many stupid OCD things that don't matter, because frankly, I just don't have time to fuss over them. I have to choose between every little thing being in order or me being in order.

I don't love every WOD. I don't crush every WOD. On days like today I may even leave and say "That was the worst WOD ever," but I keep showing up, keep moving, keep improving. I need this.

Benchmark #3 - Respect

I gained a nugget of wisdom today from an old friend. We were talking about CF (because it's all I ever talk about right now!) and I told her that one of the reasons I decided I needed to get moving is because my kids had only ever seen me sedentary, and I needed to lead them into a more active lifestyle. In response she said something that really made me stop and think, and it is this: If we do not allow ourselves to change, or we set an example of something that is not good for us (such as a sedentary lifestyle), then eventually our children will lose respect for us. Even more, they will lose respect for "mother"--that identity, that role, that office. "Mother" becomes a static point in their past who can not speak authoritatively into their lives because she has ceased to learn, grow, change, or to keep pace with them. I am not saying that we have to do the same things that they do or be enmeshed in their lives in an unhealthy way. On the contrary, they need to see that we are individuals--that our lives do not spin solely on their axes, but that we have lives that we are cultivating by being active, dynamic learners of human existence! If it so happens that we are sharing a common interest, even better!

There was this one hurdle to cross, however. In the past I didn't want my children to see me being weak, or at my worst. I didn't have respect for myself or what I had allowed my body to become. I knew I needed to do better. I knew that I was full of excuses. I knew that I hated how I looked. I needed to to regain respect for myself. 

You know those moments in life when someone says the simplest thing to you, but it is the wisdom for the moment to cover just about everything? Well, I was grousing to my coach about ring dips at class. I am terrible, even at assisted ring dips, so I asked my coach for an alternative. He gave me a thicker band (more assistance), set me up and told me to suck it up. More specifically, he got in my space, towered over me (he's a Marine officer and about 6'5") and said with a twinkle in his eye, but in all seriousness, "I hear your excuses and I'm not buyin' 'em."

Right. Thank you. Excuses are the front door to loss of respect. When I hear people whining about what they can't do, I want to walk away and say, "talk to the hand," but unfortunately I cannot walk away from myself. 

In the last three months, I have learned so much about what it means to be an example to my kids and demonstrate self-respect. We have all discovered the joy of exercising together. I am ashamed to admit that I used to be very private about exercise--I would not do it around the kids. I hated for them to see me sweat, I felt weak and out of shape and I did not want them to see at my "worst." However, I finally realized that they need to see me rise up and face my weakness, and that this in itself was leadership. I have allowed them to see me sweat, suffer, and be challenged. They share in my victories and miseries and I in theirs. I have done WODs with them that were tough for all of us. I am still usually last to finish, and there is no greater feeling than having my kids cheer for me saying "Come on, Mom! Just five more! You're almost there!" 

Matt is finding his niche with CF. He is already doing things that are pretty spectacular, and he throws himself completely into it. He enjoys the activity and the challenge. He is getting to know the  coach and the other kids at the box, and doesn't want to miss class. He is supporting his little sister who also thinks she is one tough cookie to be hanging and doin' with all the bigger dogs. She enjoys having his support.

I have raised my kids to have a deep faith and walk with God. Now I have to teach them to respect all of His creation including themselves. I guess that means I must start with me.

Matt easily clears a 24" box

Learning handstands

The CF Kids Woodbridge class is so fun and supportive!

Sibling support!

After a WOD together at home