Tuesday, August 20, 2013

What Will It Take?

This post is going to sound a little schizo because my last post was Could I Love CrossFit More? That was a great day and I was truly inspired by my kids' amazing performance in competition, but this is a bit more personal. It's been a week since my last WOD. Since my last visit to a coach-led workout, I have been camping with the family and beginning the school year with my homeschooled children. We have eaten camping food (and you know that includes s'mores), eaten ice cream, and basically had our last hurrah for the summer. It was fun but it took its toll, albeit minor.

Even before I left, however, I was feeling CrossFit Discouraged. There is no denying that I have made significant gains since starting CF nine months ago. However, I thought I would be further along than I am. I still feel much heavier than I want to be, though I have gone down a pants size since I started, and I have finally broken my dependence on the scale. Ideally I would like to shed another size or two, if possible. This is not pure vanity--this is also practical. I feel heavy. I want to feel easier, lighter, and more agile than I do. There is a bit of vanity tucked in there as well, but that is certainly not the only motivator. I would like to achieve my first unassisted pull-up. I would really love to enjoy running more. I still despise it. It hurts. What is it going to take to get there? I think I'm really afraid to find out, because it's not like I'm not already working harder than I ever have before at getting fit.

When I came back from camping I felt exhausted because I don't sleep much when I'm separated by just a thin sheet of nylon from bears lurking just outside. I also felt extra fat for not having been eating well or doing much strenuous exercise (tubing down a river for four hours doesn't count in my book.) I tried to get back in the groove on Sunday with some work on my deadlifts. I maxed out at my current PR, but did not surpass it - 215#. Today I did the daily WOD:

overhead squats (OHS), kettle bell swings (KBS)
time: 9:07 @ 55# and 35#

My husband came in during the WOD to pick up my daughter and happened to see a few of my squats. He mentioned that my form was pretty bad. Yep...it may have been. Squats are not my forte--I have trouble keeping my chest up. Didn't help my mood any.

Two more days to go this week, and I'm hoping my bad attitude takes a hike. I need to get my head back in this game. I need to cook some really amazing meals that are paleo / real food / leave me wanting more. I need to get started on the "Breakthrough Challenge" that we will be starting in a couple of weeks at the box. I need some...help.

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