Saturday, June 29, 2013

Better than Yesterday

Today was Hero WOD "White" skills class, the last one before the actual test WOD. This class has been by far the most difficult thing I have done at CF, but not only because the skills themselves are difficult, but because of the mental toughness that I have needed to face it. Through most of it I have suffered with a debilitating lack of confidence, mostly due to the rope, though I have struggled with kipping a bit as well. 

I have climbed the rope successfully once before. It was after the kids' class and their coach saw me head over to the rope and start to climb and she (in her very subdued manner) strolled over, and talked me through every pull. Before I knew it I was at the top. I thought for sure after this I would always be able to climb the rope, but it was not so. Every time since then I have failed miserably. I would be unable to catch the rope between my feet, I would lose strength, my grip would slip and slide uncontrollably down the rope. I felt like such a dork, and even though I knew that the other women in the class were not in any way judging my efforts, my lame attempts felt so conspicuous. 

Something was different today, and I'm not sure what it was but I'll try to unpack it...

First I had a profound realization when I wrote my last post about kayaking with my kids and the newfound freedom I experienced in that. I realized that I am not doing CrossFit to impress any coaches, classmates or even myself. I am doing CrossFit for life. This is not a competition for me, it's a lifestyle, and if I allow myself to be discouraged by comparison, it won't last.

Second, I was encouraged just walking into the box. I am getting to know more and more people, it was friendly and noisy with people chatting and laughing, and several people came up to me and commented that they were enjoying reading my blog. If you are one of those people, THANK YOU! You should know how much that matters! In addition, both my kids had great WODs and were pleased at the end of their class with their work. This made me want to do work that would make them proud of me, in return. 

I did struggle at first with the rope, but then something clicked...I jumped up, locked my feet and got a couple of pulls. I was able to do this several times. When it came time for the WOD, Sara said we had to make an attempt to climb the rope every round before doing walkups. In the first round I got a pull, then did walk ups. In the second round I jumped up and got my feet hooked, and Evy (the kids coach) strolled over and started talking me through again. Something in me clicked into gear and I got within one pull of the red line, then slipped. I managed to catch myself (sort of) but Sara was waiting at the bottom to break my fall! Even so, I was so happy to have made it that far...happy, and utterly exhausted by the effort. 

These things take practice, plain and simple. They take time to build up strength. It takes humility to keep trying and not quit. I have improved, there is no doubt. In spite of feeling really anxious before every class, I am really glad that I did it and stuck it out. I will absolutely, positively thrilled to be done with that final WOD next Saturday. I will post my results!

Today: make an attempt at climbing each round, then 3 walkups for every climb to scale

4 rope climbs 
20 walking lunges
10 T2B
5 burpees
Ladder down rope climbs 3, 2, 1, all else remains the same

time: 22:34

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