I Heard Myself Say...

I heard myself say to a friend as we rolled out our backs after the WOD on Wednesday,

"I need this more than I hate to sweat."

Truly, it is Providence that brought me to CrossFit in October. The only real issue I have with cold weather is that I tend to wheeze when I run in temperatures under 40 degrees, but an inhaler helps with that. As long as I'm warm, I'm okay.

Hot weather is not my friend. I happen to live in an area of the country that specializes in 90-degree, 90 percent humidity, and I absolutely hate to sweat. I truly believe that if I had begun CF in this time of year, I would not have lasted long. However, I have been showing up for the torture treatment consistently for 7 full months now, and the gains I have made make me fear what life would be like without CF, so I am actually willing to sweat in the heat and humidity to keep what I have.

Which brings me to the other thing I heard myself say:

"Because of CrossFit, I finally feel like myself."

Okay, so it's not the most articulate or profound sentence in the world--it's actually hard to put this feeling into words, but the truth is, I have no reasons to be down on myself, lots of reasons to be confident, and every reason to keep going. I have more energy, I feel good, I'm eating really well (as in not only am I eating clean, I'm enjoying my food completely and I'm not hungry). I feel mentally and physically tough. I've let go of so many stupid OCD things that don't matter, because frankly, I just don't have time to fuss over them. I have to choose between every little thing being in order or me being in order.

I don't love every WOD. I don't crush every WOD. On days like today I may even leave and say "That was the worst WOD ever," but I keep showing up, keep moving, keep improving. I need this.