What? Whole30 Again?

shaking my head--yes.

I'm not sure if I was thinking clearly or not, but I decided to rope in a few folks at the gym for Whole30 in September. You know, start the school year off right, make a preemptive strike on the holidays. It's a great idea.

I've got a lot on my plate, and all the food prep for the Whole30 does add just a little bit more to it, making life a tad less flexible, but I'm hopeful.

I've invested in something that is bound to revolutionize my cooking. It's this:

Right now on Amazon it's half price. I suggest you buy one immediately, then subscribe to NomNom Paleo who has amazing recipes written specifically for this gizmo. You'll want to cook the Kalua Pig first. Trust me.

Whole30 Day 30: That's a Wrap (a gluten-free wrap, of course)

We finished! Tomorrow when I wake up in the morning I will be able to have cream in my coffee if I want. Alas. I don't have any, so I guess that means I'll stick with the Whole30 drill...I will be adding some stevia. Okay, I confess...I've been putting 3-5 drops of stevia in my coffee all along. I just. couldn't. (I did cut the stevia dose by half, though from what I normally use) I tried, I really, really tried. The good news is, though, that I cut back my coffee consumption considerably, simply because I woke up feeling so much better and didn't need it! One cup of coffee in the morning was all I had most days, and a second if I was feeling cozy, but not because I needed to caffeine-launch myself into the day.

I know I've lost weight. I know I'm healthier. I know I'm actually enjoying vegetables again. I know that I can do this for the long-term. Of course I'm going to eat chocolate again, and the occasional paleo treat that I make for my family that includes honey or maple syrup, but the clean eating style of Whole30 is what I and my family need. I'll keep it.

Whole30 Day 23: What is Fitness, Really?

I've been thinking about fitness for two and a half years now, or nearly. I have gone from what I would describe as being completely "unfit" or "out of shape" at the beginning to having (for me) a reasonable level of physical fitness--one that the conventional medical community would probably sign off on, but in my own opinion needs a lot of improvement. I want to improve my core strength, my running skills (when this foot heals up, which is taking a long time), and increase my endurance. I want to continue to reduce my body fat percentage. Thankfully Whole30 is helping in that department, but I still have quite a way to go. But I'm describing here things that only pertain to bodily health.

My experience has shown me that physical fitness is only one-quarter of an equation that I would term overall fitness or well-being. All four areas must be attended to if one wants to be considered truly fit. In order of importance they are: spiritual life, emotional health, material stewardship, and physical fitness. This is not to imply that one must be mastered before another--rather, they are like spinning plates that all must be kept spinning, but at different times one or another may start to wobble. As our skills develop, we are able to tend to more plates more efficiently, but even so, they must be started at some point, and if I were to choose the focus of what must be started when, that is the order.

I place spiritual fitness at the top of the list because really it is the only thing that matters when you lay your head on the pillow at night, not knowing if tomorrow is another day or not. Are you at peace? Are you in right relationship with God? Do you know that you know that you know that your life is secure for eternity? It is from this point that all of the other elements flow.

I place emotional health second because that is a direct link to our spiritual life and every relationship that surrounds us. Are you in right relationship with the people around you? Can you look everyone in the eye without judgment, regret, or pain? Can you forgive others when they wrong you? Do you feel comfortable in your own skin, when you are all alone, or when you are in a crowd of people? Are you at peace with people? Why is this second to spiritual life? The answer is simple--When you are in right relationship with God, right relationship with people follows. When we are constantly striving to find our validation from others, to compare ourselves to others, or to compete and best others, we are worshiping what we are and not who God is. Other humans are not going to sign the admission ticket to eternity. God is. When we see ourselves and others in the proper light of who we really are according to God, it is actually very easy to be at peace with others. The cool thing is that God really, really loves you. and them. even the ugly difficult ones. So stop whatever it is you are doing to try to be better, or work harder. He really doesn't care and neither do those others--God and those other people just want you to be yourself and love them. The great part is you will hold your head higher and sleep better. You will be at peace.

Stewardship of our money and possessions is third on this list because with our spiritual and emotional health in place, we can have a completely different perspective on our money and stuff. If you are living for an eternity which does not rely on our wealth or possessions then those things suddenly mean much less than they did. If you are living in right relationship with people and loving them as you should, what you have to give is yourself, not money and junk. Of course possessions are part of life and we have actual physical needs for certain things, but when we get down to the nitty-gritty, it is so much less than we trick ourselves into thinking we need! We can begin to redirect our resources to meeting the needs of others and showing love in a new and different way rather than self-medicating ourselves with possessions, shopping, alcohol, food, or anything else that we tend to indulge and wallow in. These things ultimately become the proverbial albatross around our necks that we later struggle to rid ourselves of. Getting our financial houses in order helps us to order our priorities, learn to live with less, save for the future, and give to others from our abundance.

Don't assume that because physical fitness is last on the list that I believe it to be unimportant. Quite the contrary. It would be difficult to separate it from financial stewardship in its value simply because it is also a matter of stewardship. 

How we live in our body affects every other aspect of our lives. It is the mirror that reflects how well we are managing the other three aspects of our existences, and it is the plate that must be kept spinning if the others are to function properly. When the body is healthy the mind is clear, the emotions are elevated, the perspective is brighter. When we are in good health we are able to actively attend to our spiritual health our relational health, and our financial stewardship. Every day that we are upright and moving we need to be contributing to the continuation of that state, for every moment invested in our physical well-being will pay dividends. Even in the event of a sudden loss of health, a better level of physical fitness will help in recovery or even enable us to mentally deal with whatever may come. A person who is spiritually and emotionally fit will long to live an active, disciplined life that is productive and changes the world for the better. Physical fitness is vital to the equation. 

So go ahead--spin the plates. Start somewhere, but start. The sooner you start the sooner you can build the skills to have a truly fit life.

Whole30 Day18: Are We There Yet?

Okay, I'll admit. I'm a little bored of this at the moment. I really want a "paleo" muffin. I mean, come on...every ingredient except for the honey (and the fact that it is indeed a muffin) is W30 approved. Just a muffin? Please?

I could not begin to log today's meals if I tried. I know I ate a Lara bar and awholelottaolives at one point because I was in and out of the house at weird times with no time to prepare a decent meal and no leftovers! It's been a busy week.

Even so, we're still staying on course with all W30 approved foods, even when we have a day when the schedule or meal planning is a tad off--like today. I have doggedly refused to step my toe over the line into "illegal" territory.

Sunday is Easter. Our traditional meal every year is rack of lamb with a garlic yogurt sauce. I may have one, tiny, snakey lick. I've already decided that I can't have wine or any desert for Easter, which is typically a paleo feast for us, except for the yogurt sauce. I can turn down desert. Lamb and yogurt sauce on the other hand.

What am I going to do?

Whole30 Day 15: Halfway There!

Whole30 is halfway done as of today! 

I didn't log or blog anything last week--I totally stayed on plan, but was simply too busy and forgot to write things down. I also took a week off from WODs so as to rest my foot. Even though I had done no running or jumping, my foot was feeling pretty battered from going back to my previous workout schedule, and I guess it was just a little too much. I felt like I had a hot stick in my ankle and heel all week. Ugh.

The busy week did run me down a bit, and by Friday I was ready for a break from cooking. We decided to venture out and try to find some food that was as close to Whole30 compliant as possible, and I had a 1/2 cobb salad. I forgot to tell them no feta, and so it wasn't 100% clean, but very, close I think. No ill effects as a result.

This weekend I made a delicious pot of vegetable soup but ran into a problem when I remembered that my mixed vegetables had both corn and peas in it. It's something I never gave much thought to, but then this program is making me think about every ingredient I ingest. I subbed it for just green beans and okra. It went something like this:

10 cups homemade turkey stock (made from a happy turkey who lived a pastured life)

1/2 head green cabbage

4 lg. carrots

4 stalks celery with leaves

1 medium onion

2 lg. cloves garlic

28 oz. diced tomatoes

2 small white potatoes

1 16 oz. bag green beans

1 16 oz. bag okra

1 tsp (approx.) herbs de provence

2 tsp palmfuls thyme 

2 bay leaves

2 - 4 dashes hot sauce

dash of coconut aminos (optional--I almost ruined the soup by adding too much)

salt and pepper to taste

3 TBS gelatin (optional) 

Cook until all vegetables are tender and then add shredded cooked chicken. 

Yum.

Progress Report: After two weeks of eating the Whole30 way, I can say that I am still doing just fine. The most difficult part is having to have the endurance and forethought to plan and prepare every meal for thirty days straight. I don't want to have to succumb to the "need" to eat out which will most certainly cause me to make a compromise.

I continue to get the best sleep I've had in ages. Anyone who has ever suffered from insomnia understands that you cannot place a value on sleep until you can't get it.

Someone told me today that they can tell I'm losing weight. Cool. I don't know for sure yet, but my pants are feeling more comfortable and one pair is even feeling baggy. 

I am not suffering from any seasonal allergies, which is kind of a miracle for this time of year. 

My skin broke out last week (detox? could be hormones) but has cleared up nicely this week.

Overall, I feel awesome. 

Today's WOD:

1 RM back squat: PR at 190#

3 rounds for time:

   20 calories row

   25 pushups

time: 9:44

Whole30: Week 2 is Underway, I Can Take a Deep Breath

No really, I CAN take a deep breath. Normally at this time of year, I can't. Everyone around me is crying "allergies!" and I'm sitting around with my teeth in my mouth, breathing. My nose is not stuffed up, I'm not wheezing, my husband says I'm not snoring, and my head and eyes feel very clear.

Did I mention that I am sleeping so soundly? I think I may have.

Did I mention that my pants already fit more comfortably? No? Well they do.

But it is great to be over the hump of the first week. My biggest source of stress going into this was how I would manage all the meal planning and kitchen time. When I want a break, this is what I want a break from. It hasn't been so bad. The husband and I have been doing all of the meal prep together, which is nice, and it lightens the load. I'm also being very deliberate in my meal planning to be sure that we have plenty of leftovers for lunches and busy evenings when meals are not going to be easy to plan.

This week we have a Kalua pulled pork from Nom Nom Paleo on deck, a chicken to roast, extra steaks for lunches and steak and egg breakfasts, lots of veggies for salads, avocados to make the salads awesome, 42 cups of turkey broth, and some properly-caught tuna for quick and easy and I'm also really glad that we purchased a couple of boxes of Whole30 compliant Larabars. They have come in handy when I'm having a major craving for something sweet or on the way home from a WOD, but we are eating them sparingly. Suffice it to say that we're certainly not starving, and we're really not suffering.

If you are reading this and wondering about doing Whole30, know that you must go into with a plan. Use Pinterest, use blogs, really study the Whole30 website and inform yourself about what ingredients you cannot have. If you go in knowing that there is going to be a time commitment to food preparation and a mental commitment to not giving into cravings and temptations, the 30 days should be pretty smooth sailing.

Don't be impulsive. Don't think, "This is awesome! Real food! That's like, sweet potatoes and stuff, right? I'm going to do it!" and then fall on your face the first week because you didn't realize that there was actual hard time in the kitchen to be done. Isn't the point of this to get you back in touch with your food, anyway? To remember what it means to eat real, whole, nutritious food?

I am relearning a very important lesson that I discovered the first time I did a major food overhaul like this: to eat well requires me to be at home. Being at home involves spending time in my house--dirty or clean, and with my family--be they pleasant or unpleasant. It comes down to being where I'm meant to be with the people who need me most, meeting our most fundamental needs.

And I'm okay with that.

Day 8 Log:

B - BP Coffee, 2 eggs, banana, turkey broth with gelatin
L - smoothie, veggies, berries, banana, eggs, gelatin
D - steak, asparagus, roasted red potatoes
S - Larabar, almonds

*went a little heavy on fruit today with the extra banana and Larabar. I think I'm craving something sweet.

WOD - letting the foot rest and mobilizing. We'll see how it is tomorrow.

Whole30 Day 6-7: Throwing Down wi' my Peeps! (CFW Open 15.4)

My favorite day of the CrossFit week is Saturday mornings. I try never to miss a Saturday. Today (and every Saturday during the CF open season) we did Open WOD 15.4, scaled and Rx. My kids did the kids' competition, and I participated in the scaled division. The best thing about Saturdays is the people. You get to see everyone, and people aren't in a big rush to get somewhere else, so they hang out and chat. My closest friends are here, and this is the place where I have measured significant physical changes in my health. It means the world to me.. 

3...2...1...

Go Molly!

Push Press, not even sweating. yet.

Got home and prepped dinner tonight. Normally on Saturday evenings we have gluten free pizza and a movie, but since that wasn't an option for us, we decided to go with totally legit, paleo chicken wings, complete with homemade dressing. The next best thing.

I find it very helpful to have a vac-seal machine that can speed up the marinating process.

We've been using Tessamae's for a while. They put nothing offensive in their sauces!

Dinner is served

Log:

Saturday, Day 6 

B - BP Coffee, Smoothie

S - Larabar

L - Salad with ham, eggs, avocados, tomatoes, cukes, dressing

D - Chicken wings

WOD - 15.4

Sunday, Day 7 

B - BP Coffee, smoothie

L - leftover chicken wings

S - Almonds

D - Salad 

WOD - rest day

Really feeling the strong desire for something sweet. ugh.

Whole30 Day 5: The Sand in the Hourglass

Today is the first day I felt like I was missing out... The first day that I thought, "Oh, 25 more days feels like forever." And tomorrow I face more of the same. I will go to the box to participate in the CrossFit Open WOD 15.4, and afterwards everyone will have a beer and some yummy snack that won't be on plan. I am determined to be totally okay with this situation.

This morning I sat with two friends at tea. I took hard-boiled eggs with me so as not to be hungry while they sat and ate coffee cake and something like Indian donut-holes that smelled wonderful. All of it clean, or nearly. Certainly not bad stuff as these girls know how to cook real food, and have become quite adept at making food that reminds you of the good old days but actually tastes much, much better. In fact, it's kind of a new paradigm. The bad stuff doesn't appeal to me anymore, but who can resist a perfectly clean piece of coffee cake made with palm sugar or honey? Ugh.

Then this afternoon some friends came over and watched Henry V with us as part of their Shakespeare unit in literature. It was a lovely way to spend an afternoon, but we made popcorn for the kids and it smelled so wonderful, and I couldn't eat a bite of it.

I griped a little about it, and as soon as I did, my friend who is currently on the autoimmune protocol (AIP), which is even more limiting than Whole30, offered a bag of something absolutely amazing...Jackson's Honest sweet potato chips with nothing other than coconut oil and sea salt!

I was tired, cranky, and a tad bitter that I couldn't have anything everyone else was having. I'm not sure if it was "legal" on a psychological level, but anyway, it saved the day.

I jumped online and bought a case for myself the minute they left.

Also today I hit a bit of the moody, tired, feeling that I was hoping to sidestep. It wasn't severe. It just felt like a dreary day all the way around.

In other news, I did officially ditch the scale. Hid it in the back of my closet. I may decide to check it again at the end, but for now, it's off plan. I will still have a smoothie after my WOD tomorrow.

Today's Log, Day 5: (believe me, there is nothing to be excited about on this one)

B - BP coffee, 2 hard boiled eggs
L - leftover steak. no time to prep veggies
S - sweet potato chips and a legal cherry pie LARA bar. I can say that I was unprepared for how much I would need something just a bit sweet. That fit the bill perfectly.
D - leftover artichoke chicken, salad, 1/2 sweet potato

Whole30 Day 4: Pancake Salvation and the Timeline

Right, I get it. There are no pancakes for Mom today. There are grains and honey and all kinds of psychological no-nos associated with this breakfast classic, so I'm not consuming. Don't think I fell off the wagon that fast! Buuuuuuuuut....

Soon after I started giving up grains and eating a more paleo-style diet, we still found that we missed our Saturday morning routine of pancakes and sausage or what-have-you (read BACON).
I started experimenting with recipes for gluten-free or grain-free pancakes, and have developed this recipe that the whole family loves. We have never missed crummy, nutrient-void pancakes loaded with pseudo-maple-flavored-can-you-even-call-it-syrup again. This recipe will help the other members of your family make some positive changes while you are doing the same for yourself. If you have kids, these may well save your sanity.

The secret is not in the stack of flap-jacks dripping with syrup, but in the leftovers. I made a huge batch of these this morning for two hungry kids and stowed the remaining pancakes in a container. Now tomorrow, for breakfast or snacks the kids can grab a pancake, smear it with almond butter or peanut butter, a drizzle of honey and bam! Tummy is full. It saves me a whole lot of suffering when they have a really healthy alternative to turn to and I don't have to be involved in the "Mom! I'm hungry!" thing. My kids are not eating a completely paleo diet. I do permit gluten free, nutrient dense (clean) foods such as this.

I didn't really feel tempted by the pancakes. Today. I had another hard-boiled egg. This could get annoying, but since I'm already not a huge breakfast person, hard-boiled eggs are normal fare for me anyway. I don't need a lot in the early part of the day. I'm also finding that adding a teaspoon of coconut oil and some unsweetened coconut milk to my coffee almost negates any need for breakfast. Today I was not hungry until 11:30 AM, at which point I ate the egg. But that's just me. I suppose for some it may be a very challenging meal to have to constantly negotiate.

So, it's day 4 and I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Whole30 is kind enough to publish a timeline that tells you what to expect, and so far I'm having a very easy time of it. Day 4 is the "Kill all the things" phase. I didn't want to kill anything today, so I think that's, you know, pretty good. Maybe tomorrow something will die, but honestly, I felt pretty amazing. I felt a bit sluggish during my WOD and apparently forgot how to count to ten, but never mind. It happens. Here is today's log entry:

Day 4:
B - BP coffee, 1 egg
L - Chicken broth with gelatin added YUM! Steak and spinach
D - leftovers, so another taco sweet potato. no guacamole. sad.
S - almonds, 2 slices ham

WOD:
2 RM power clean 105# (lame-o. It's all in my head!)
3 rounds with 9-minute time cap
   5 cleans
   10 knees to elbows
   15 KB swings
max burpees in time remaining: 17

Whole30, Day 3 - Oh, the Sleep, the Sleep, the Sleep!

That was my first thought waking on the morning of day 3. And for that matter on day 4 since I am writing this a morning late.

I had forgotten how sweet and deep a sleep I get when I'm not ingesting toxins! As much as I hate to say this, I know that wine is my biggest culprit, and two glasses of wine, if not timed perfectly in the evening will wreck my sleep pattern, causing me to wake at 3-4 a.m. and lose hours of sleep. Then why do I insist on continuing to do this? Which is more valuable?

There are these ceremonies in life, little markers of the day that on a psychological level, help me to pass the time. The first is my coffee ceremony in the morning. This is perhaps the greater addiction. I have clung to my coffee routine since my sophomore year in college. The problem that I have with this is that I cannot stand black coffee. In my younger years I needed coffeemate or loads of sugar (blech!) Since starting to eat a healthy diet I have gone to organic half and half or raw milk and stevia. Now I am learning to like bullet-proof coffee made with coconut oil and coconut cream. It's actually pretty good.

The wine routine is a little easier to deal with, but I still feel the loss. When I start to cook dinner in the evening and my husband gets home for work, I love the atmosphere of relaxed conversation, food on the stove and a glass of wine. There isn't really any substitute for what goes in the glass...pellegrino? meh. I'm okay with it, but yesterday for the first time I had to steel my resolve a bit and just allow myself to miss the wine. But when I wake in the morning, realizing that I slept so well and didn't wake even once in the night--the payoff is worth it. Everything is clearer and easier to deal with when I'm rested. That alone is going to be my motivation when I miss my little routines.

Day 3 Log
B - Bullet-proof coffee, 2 hard boiled eggs much later in the morning
L - 1 chicken thigh, green (leftovers from day 2)
S  - almonds (as usual!) though I allowed myself to get a little too hungry in the morning and ate a few too many almonds. When I saw that I was eating more than my serving size I quickly prepared lunch so that I wouldn't snack too much.
D - 1/2 sweet potato taco. This is a half sweet potato stuffed with chili (no beans), ghee, guacamole, tomatoes, cilantro and jalapeño. It is an old standby that we have made since our first paleo challenge, and it is one of our favorite meals. 

WOD - Baseline WOD with my son. Had planned to get to the gym, but also wanted to do a simple baseline bodyweight WOD to measure any progress at the end of Whole30. Together we did:

3 rounds for time:
25 push-ups
25 sit-ups
25 overhead squats with a PVC pipe
time: 11:31

Whole 30, Day 2

Oh my aching back! This has nothing to do with Whole30 except that I did a WOD yesterday and 40 heavy-ish deadlifts and 1000m rowing later--I'm a tad sore. Nothing injured. Just sore.

Today I decided to mobilize and rest the tired back, and will hopefully get into the gym tomorrow afternoon.

Dinner going in

Day two of Whole30 has been good. Slept really well last night and from past experience, I can say that this is the thing I look forward to most in the coming weeks.

Breakfast: bullet-proof coffee made with coconut oil and unsweetened coconut milk
(This must have satisfied me for a while because I wasn't hungry for anything else until about 11:00 a.m. when I had a hard-boiled egg.)
  

Just out of the oven!

Lunch: ate fairly late and had leftover sweet potato and steak from dinner last night. Mug of organic green tea

snack: handful of almonds

Dinner: Baked chicken thighs with artichokes and kalamata olives with herbed lemon and olive oil, green beans, and salad.

This was really, really good.

I thought the biggest challenge would be not having half and half in my coffee, but that is not it. It's the SCALE!!! I am not sure why Whole30 doesn't want any stepping on the scale for 30 days--No, I get it, this is supposed to be about much more than weight loss, but come on! I want to get to see some progress along the way. I know it will happen, and it's kind of fun and inspiring to see those numbers go down. I'll admit that I couldn't resist the urge to see if maybe, just maybe, even after only one day...pleeease? I won't say what the outcome of that was because I don't want to tempt you.

So now we have two slight points of contention: smoothies and the scale. 

Whole30 Live Blogging...Go!

Today my husband and I started Whole 30 - a month-long challenge to eat a strictly paleo, completely unsweetened diet. There's no wine either. Or half and half in my coffee. I can live without sweeteners. I can live without wine. I have a really hard time not having half and half in my coffee, but there's coconut milk, so I'll make it.

We've been tossing around the idea of doing Whole 30 for a while. Our box had a similar nutrition challenge in January, but I wasn't ready...What? Not ready? Our coach asked me today why I hadn't participated (I had even expressed interest at the time it came up), and he gave me that "oh, c'mon look" until I explained...

I just realized that my last post on this blog was nearly a year ago, in April 2014, when I talked about what I want out of CrossFit. It was a milestone of sorts, and it was timely. I didn't know that I was about to walk through a very difficult season.

That said, from that time until now has been a difficult season. My mother, who had suffered for some time with Alzheimer's endured some very rough medical issues, and then passed away in early October. Around the time of her death, in the midst of supporting my family, continuing to homeschool, and grieving, I found myself going through life at about half-speed. In November I injured my foot and have been walking around with a nice case of plantar fasciitis. Ugh. Just...ugh.

So I continued my workouts with about half my heart and brain caring. Then last week something snapped, and I realized that I'm done living a half-life. Weight that I had worked so hard to keep off has definitely caught back up with me, and I am not at all what I'd call in "fighting form." My strength is up, endurance is down, and I look and feel like I'm overweight...it is time to start Whole 30. 

I chose Whole 30 because I learned of it when we did another paleo challenge as a gym during my first year called Whole Life Challenge. I did really well on Whole Life Challenge, but there was too much stuff you had to do to earn points, and competing with others for weight loss is not something I enjoyed. At all. With Whole 30, all I have to do is mind the food and read stuff. I don't have to log my minutes of mindfulness, mobility, workouts, etc. Just the food and drink.

So...here we go: Back to the Accidental CrossFitter, if the name still applies. It's been 2 1/2 years nearly since that first fateful post. I am not the same person in many ways, and CrossFit is a big part of that.

TODAY:

Coffee w/ coconut milk

Breakfast (Post WOD): spinach, carrot, some berries, 1/2 banana, diluted coconut milk, egg, and gelatin smoothie. (had to eat it on the run, so while they discourage smoothies, I'll just have to live with myself and break that not-quite rule sometimes.)

Lunch: Cobb Salad over mixed greens using this dressing, which is really, really good!

Snack: handful of almonds, 1 clementine

Dinner: Steak, 1/2 sweet potato, broccoli

WOD:

2 RM back squat (high bar) 180# (PR)

4 rounds (scaled from double under because of my foot) 

- 250m max effort row

- 10 deadlifts at 155# (Rx)

Time: 9:41

What I Want out of CrossFit

So I've been doing CrossFit for a year and a half now. The honeymoon is over. I've had the week when I was too sick to go in and WOD and had to fight to get back into the groove. I have had bouts of insane jealousy and have wigged out from comparing myself to others to the point that I felt like quitting altogether. I have come to terms with my hips and with the reality that I will always have them. I have strained my back (not doing CrossFit, ironically) and have had to work back up to strength and still haven't reached my PRs again. I have competed and finished at the bottom or near-bottom 9 times and concluded that I am better for the experience because I gave it my all.

Then the other day I PR'ed my 5 RM dead lift at 195 lbs. and that was my goal going in. I would have liked to get 200, but it was a PR and I was happy with that. I did not miss on my form and did not strain my back, however, after that lift and the WOD that followed, my lower back muscles, glutes, and hamstrings were so tight that I could hardly get up off the floor or get in and out of my car. No fun. Yes, I stretched. Yes, I rolled out. Still...that night I couldn't turn over without waking and groaning. I tried to stand up the next morning as I was getting out of bed and promptly fell over. It was pretty hilarious, so don't try not to laugh. I laughed out loud at my poor self, and didn't feel bad about doing it. I wasn't even insulted.

Even so, I had to ask myself, "Is this really worth it? What am I, a 44 year old woman, trying to accomplish here? Is it worth all this pain and suffering?"

Today my husband and I really pondered that question, as we have undertaken this journey together. He asked me what I really want out of CrossFit, and surprisingly the answer was so easy to give:

1. After not being athletic or even using my body properly for most of my adult life, I am retraining it to move well.

2. I want to have the stamina and strength to take a 5 mile hike, go kayaking, or ski with my family and not be sore and exhausted.

3. I want to be able to play, run and enjoy life with my kids.

4. I do not want osteoporosis, Alzheimer's, or any other manner of degenerative disease that comes from an unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle. I want to keep active both mentally and physically until my dying day.

5. I want to be strong enough to be able to pick up my grandchildren. I didn't have kids until my 30s so I won't be a grandma until my late 50's or early 60s. I want to be fit enough to be able to hold my grandbabies for as long as I want and not be exhausted from chasing them when they are toddlers. I want to be the best grandmother ever, so you'd better believe I'm training for it now.

As I read over this, I realize that none of these goals had anything to do with achieving a certain dress size or keeping up with any person at the gym. None of them had to do with what I see in front of a mirror but what I see from behind my eyes, from within my heart. If I never looked in the mirror, or stepped on the scale, if I never looked at Facebook, if I never measured anything, would I think that I wasn't doing enough? If I only go based on how I feel physically and mentally, would I know that I was improving?

(Of course it is a rhetorical question. Insert "duh" here)

So, is it worth it? Without a doubt. My greatest competition is the race against time, and every improvement I make is a milestone in that race. I don't need to PR my dead lift every time. I don't need to do 30 strict pull-ups this year, or maybe even ever. It's just not that important to me. As long as I am lifting as heavy as I can, moving as fast as I can, building skills and improving myself in mind, body and spirit, I am winning that game...

Ah, Lloyd. King of the Box...

One of our coaches has been out of commission for a while with a sore back. It's not just a little sore...it's O.O.C., climbing the rafters with boredom sore. Oh, and before you start attacking CrossFit for all the injuries, it's not to do with Cross Fit. It's because he has his particular back, and it gives him problems sometimes, so just stop.

Soooo. A bunch of us girls decided to treat him to lunch. The idea was that we would make him food, take it too his house, kiss his boo-boos and cheer him up. He decided that what he preferred was to go to one of the girls' houses, instead, just to get out. Fine. Get him a proper chair to sit in, give him food.

Then he decided what would really be cool is if he could feel useful AAAaaand get fed at the same time. So he programmed a little WOD for us before lunch. At least it was a team WOD. It sounded HORRIBLE by description. I groused vehemently about it. I was very grumpy, see, because my back was already sore (from skiing, weeks ago, so just shush about the CF and injuries) and I was terrified.

Buy in: he dropped us off somewhere else in the neighborhood and called Jenn's phone to start the clock. We had to run to the house.

then, AMRAP in 20. Team A holds a barbell overhead while the other does 20 box jumps (team of three had to do 25) while team B goes through a cycle of 6 pull-ups, 8 burpees, 10 push presses with an axle bar. When team A completed, we switched.

Buy out (and here's the clincher): we had three objects to move around the .7 mile path around the "lake" in the neighborhood. One 53 lb. kettle bell, one god-knows-how-heavy sandbag, and two 40-lb dumbbells which must be carried together. Between the five of us, we had to carry that junk around the lake, switching off when we got tired. It took another 20 minutes.

Funny thing is, my hip and back had been pretty sore all week. I was really afraid I was going to drag down the whole group and not be able to do it, but I did. Turns out (and it absolutely kills me to admit this) it was really fun. I felt better afterward, too!

Finally we ate and chatted with him and all around him. Lloyd appeared to enjoy the whole thing. No, he absolutely enjoyed the whole thing. And we love him even more. Get well soon, Coach. We miss your face at the box!

He never misses...Fear the "no-rep!"

The Wager, Part 2

Before you read this post, decide which photo has the happier me in it.

Saturday, after our double-under challenge

Thursday, on the slopes with my son

Now that you've decided...

So you might have read about the little wager my friend Candace and I had going with our coach, Dan.

Today is February 2 and so the bet has now ended. Here's how I won:

1. Practice, Practice, Practice

I was practicing double-unders every day. I was getting some here and there but never consistently until another of our coaches, Lloyd challenged me to practice by playing a game that gradually increased the number of du's in sets of ten. It helped tremendously and I was getting them much more consistently. Meanwhile Candace was blowing through 10+ double-unders, though not 100% of the time. Both of us were making huge strides. I got tips from so many people, and eventually was able to string up to four jumps together, however...

2. Taking up Skiing

Since conditions around here have been very cold and favorable for the local ski resorts, I decided that this was the year to knock "Learn to Ski" off of my bucket list. Candace and I have been taking the kids weekly to go skiing. I have honestly never had so much fun doing anything in my adult life. 

3. Learning to Listen

...to my body, that is. Let's just say I don't advise going in for a hard WOD the day after you learn to ski and spend 5 hours on the slopes. I was fairly beat up from using the new muscles and falling repeatedly the day before, but not exactly sore like after a WOD. Aside from some dings and bruises, I was surprised that I wasn't more sore, and then I picked up the bar for some dead lifts. It wasn't even heavy weight. By the end of the WOD I felt like I was trying to lift my max weight with every lift and my lower back was screaming. Loudly.

4. Figuring Things Out (a.k.a. prioritizing)

Meanwhile Dan was putting pressure on us. I continued to practice, and so did Candace. We practiced until my back was so sore I couldn't do a WOD at all and her knee and ankle were swollen and painful. My calves were also giving me trouble. We were, in the midst of all of this, learning the immeasurable importance of stretching and mobilizing every day.

Okay, step back and evaluate...Obviously skiing is a priority at this point. The kids and I are having a blast and we have about a two-month window to learn this new thing. Double-under practice, combined with skiing was not a recipe for success on either front. Meanwhile I was not getting in good WODs. Something was out of whack, so I went to the chiropractor, got a massage, and backed off of the practice for a bit. Okay, for about two weeks, because every time I jumped I would get such a painful knot in my calf that I would not be able to walk without hobbling. Ski boots were not helping this.

We talked to Dan. We considered negotiating, asking for an extension, some sort of injury clause...in the end we decided to just go for it, but we knew the price we would have to pay for backing off of practice.

5. Playing the Game with Honor

On Saturday, Dan did offer an extension, but it was not enough time and we would have had to accomplish 20 du's in a row instead of ten. Plus we knew that we were just going to go skiing again this week and wouldn't be able to practice enough. We each made our three attempts and failed, though on my third attempt, I did get 5 double-unders which was the most I've ever achieved at once!

150 burpees later, I can say that, while it would have been really nice to see Dan do those burpees, I learned so much! I learned about how I handle stress and pressure, what motivates me, how to listen to my body and train better to meet a goal, as well as how to balance multiple goals at once. I learned a great deal about mobility. Now that I am exercising more frequently and at the same time not getting any younger, making sure that I stretch, roll, wrap, stretch, roll, and roll some more is critical to staying injury-free. If I am going to work my body hard and expect to perform at a high level, then I have to give equal attention to the proper care of it!

I showed my kids that keeping your word even when it hurts is part of playing the game. When you agree to something, you must follow through. I would not have been able to live with myself if somehow I had wormed out of the bet, or avoided it in the end.

When I hear people say, "winning isn't everything," I want to stamp my feet and say, "Yes, it is!" because really, who doesn't like to win? This time, though, I have to agree...Playing the game with honor, embracing the whole experience and walking away with your head held high is winning.

Actually, I'm happy in both pictures. It's just...skiing is more fun than burpees.

The Wager

I'm not usually the betting type. I do not gamble, I do not make big claims to know something and say, "I'll bet you..." or, "if you do X, I'll do Y."  No. I'm usually wrong, and I usually lose.

Somehow I got into a wager and I'm not sure why or how I let myself get sucked into this. I've said before that this whole CrossFit thing--I pretty much stink at it, so betting myself into accomplishing something is a huge risk. Even worse, I've dragged my BFF into it, also.

Candace and I were dutifully setting up for the WOD which involved 20 double unders in an AMRAP of 20 DUs, 15 lunges, 10 sit-ups for 15 minutes. Neither she nor I have consistent double-unders. She had never achieved even one. I can get them in ones and twos. Dan, our coach and mortal enemy dear friend came by and said, "Double unders? You got 'em?" and we sheepishly replied that no, we don't and 2014 would be the "year of the double-under." He gave a little snort because he's a sadistic dragon he realized how ridiculous that was and offered a little wager. How about Candace and I get double unders by Feb. 1 or we do 150 burpees. Both of us have to get them. We get 3 tries to get 10 consecutive or we both do 150 burpees. If we succeed and get the DUs, then he does the burpees. "Sure! You're on!" We both agreed. Yup. Both of us. Agreed.

I can't say exactly how we are progressing, but I will just say that progress has been made. I'm quite sure she will achieve 10 DUs. I'm not sure we won't still be doing the burpees. I'm a little nervous...

The Truth Is...

Today is my third day back at CF and the suck factor is going down by degrees each day that I'm back. Even so, as I was warming up today, swinging the kettle bell, doing my stretches, doing my pull-ups, I thought to myself, "I absolutely despise working out."

Yup. I said it. I hate working out. I always have. I still do. I hate breathing hard, sweating, pushing myself to the point that if I go further I'll puke. I hate the burning sensation in my muscles. I hate learning new skills and feeling like a dork when I can't do them. I hate running, and bar work, and burpees. The only thing that could be worse would be an aerobics class of some sort.

The truth is, sitting around is so ridiculously easy! But the other truth is I was sinking into the mire of poor health and a future of nothing if I continued in that mode.

So what is it that keeps me going back if I hate it so much? A few things, actually...

People

In personality tests I am pretty evenly split between introversion and extroversion. The introvert me writes, reads, stands and ponders the universe for inordinate amounts of time, plays the guitar, hates meeting new people, freaks out in a crowd. The extrovert goes to CrossFit, stays and talks after church, checks Facebook, doesn't miss a party. The introvert me is highly unmotivated to work out, and this is a problem, because I thought it was something I needed to figure out on my own. I finally realized that when it comes to exercise, I am completely extrinsically motivated. For years I operated under the misconception that if I could not motivate myself to exercise I was a weak person and lacked self-discipline. I basically feasted on the lie that I was going to have to be miserable in order to get into shape in order to punish my weak character, and I just wasn't in a rush to sign up for that. When I found CrossFit, I went with a friend, was encouraged by friends, and made new friends who were coming alongside and encouraging me constantly to keep going, so I did. The time I spent suffering, hi-fiving, chatting and cheering with other people kept me wanting to do more, do better. Over a year later, I still hate working out, but I love my peeps. I. love. my. peeps.

The Rush

So in spite how much I hate working out, there is this ... this ... RUSH that I get when I am done. I feel happy. I feel energized. I want to congratulate myself over and over for just doing the hard thing (and I do). I just feel good. When I sit around, I never get that feeling, and so I keep going back.

The Muscles

You can't see them, but they are there. I can feel them and I can see a difference in my own body, but I know I'll never look like Camille Leblanc-Bazinet. That's okay...I'm 44 years old and she's half my age and has never borne children. I love the strength that comes from having muscles, for the fact that I can (because of these that I now have) continue building more. I am elated that I am doing weight-bearing exercises so that I don't end up brittle and shrunken from osteoporosis. I am thrilled that I have better posture and hardly ever need to see the chiropractor. I love that my clothes fit and feel better than they have since I was in my 20s.

The Knowledge

By this I mean that "if I had known then what I know now..." I would have been doing this years ago. I wouldn't have waited until my 40s to start. I would have understood that in order to enjoy doing the things that the introvert loves, I need to get out and do the hard things. It feels so much better to earn the right to sit and write, and read, and do the things that I love to do that unfortunately burn far fewer calories. I get to in essence be a stronger, better me.

So yes, I hate working out, but the truth is, the balance is now tipped so far in the other direction, and I can no longer operate as I did. Why would I exchange 24 hours a day of unhealthy for 23 hours of feeling really great and one hour or less of embracing the suck factor? The truth is, I wouldn't. I can't go back...It costs way too much.

When You Can't Work Out...

CrossFit...That thing that you GO and DO. Do Work. Lift Heavy. Run Fast. Pull Hard. Go back home and brag about what you just did.

In the whole year-plus since starting CrossFit I have never missed more than one WOD. Never done less than two workouts in a week, even on vacation. As I sit here today writing this, I am on day 9 of not WODding. I even got dressed for it, took the kids to their class this morning, walked in the door and my friend looked at me and said, "No way...You're crazy." True. I started bark-coughing and and realized that she was right. ((sigh)) Benched.

I am unfortunately one of those people who tries to see the deeper meaning in just about everything. I have trouble taking things at face value and just letting them be what they are. Let's just say that from the moment I came down with a fever last Monday, then a cough / bronchitis all through Christmas, I have had to work hard to just let this be what it is--I am human. Humans sometimes fall victim to viruses and what-not. I had been pushing myself hard, stressing about things that were really rather silly. I probably wrecked my own immune system, all by myself. I have to remember that this is not punishment for some wrong-doing or something too overly-spiritual. I can say, though, that getting sick helped me put a whole list of things in their proper perspective, not the least of which was how important it is to have the house clean before Christmas (it's not, really) and how badly I'll fall behind in CrossFit for having to take more than a week off (I won't, probably). Truth be told I can't say I've minded having these days when I actually can say I refuse to do anything, I am going to sleep / take a bath / sit here / watch you cook... I've needed the break.

A friend of mine says, "There is no cure for the cold because the cold is the cure." True.

I'll be back on my feet soon. CrossFit will still be there. Housekeeping and school and laundry and cooking will still all be there. Meanwhile I'm going to enjoy this excuse to just rest and recuperate.

CrossFit: The (Full-time) Job You Pay to Have

SOOOOO...Your friend has invited you to check out their box, try a WOD, come and see what the CF thing is all about. Great. Let me just say up front that I am not one of those people who says CF is for everyone--just for everyone who is upright, breathing, and may or may not have limbs and joints and cartilage. You are going to feel more fit and strong and good-looking than you have in ages. You will lose body fat and inches. It's practically a guarantee...But you might be wondering how much time it will take from your schedule. You've heard it's fast and intense? It really is. A WOD will only take about 10-30 minutes out of your daily schedule.

Here's where it gets tricky. I will do the math for you so that you can predict just how much time you will need to carve out of your schedule to do CrossFit.

Time to drive to the Box (assuming you live fairly close): 10 minutes
Time to warm up: 10 minutes
Time to complete a normal AMRAP style WOD: 10 minutes
Time to cool down and stretch: 10 minutes
Time to drive home: 10 minutes

You have just done the best exercise you have ever done in your life and have only used up 50 minutes of your day, 20 of which were spent in the car. But wait, there's more.

Time to come home and lie on the floor and analyze every sore muscle in your body: 15 minutes
Time to get off the floor and hobble to the telephone: 5 minutes
Time to call your BFF and tell them what kind of crazy you just did (even though she was there and did it with you): 30 minutes
Time to crawl up the stairs to the shower: 8 minutes
Time to shower: 30 minutes (you'll need to soak those sore spots in the hot water, and you'll stink so badly you'll think you need extra time.)
Time to prepare the paleo lunch with all organic ingredients so as to maximize your new, fit, metabolism: 45 minutes
Time to eat the paleo lunch: 1 minute (You're starving. You are now freakin' starving. Like you have never eaten before.)
Time to look at you-tube instructional videos on all the new moves you'll see in tomorrow's WOD: 1 hour
Time to take and post the "after" selfie: 5 minutes (you had to try several poses before you found the right one)
Time to post on facebook about how amazing you are now that you do CrossFit: 2 minutes (you've been doing it a whole week now!)
Time to read the box blog and see if tomorrow's WOD is up yet: 5 minutes
Time to call BFF and freak out about tomorrow's WOD: 30 minutes
Time to look up photos of Rich Froning and pin them to your pinterest board: 2 hours
Time spent shopping for new workout clothes online: 1 hour

Okay, so consider that you have just purchased your brand-new membership at your local box and you went all-out and did the unlimited membership. You goal is to work out 5 days a week. At nearly 7 hours a day (that is what all those things up there added up to) you have just taken on the equivalent of another 35-hour per week job. Technically that is not full-time, but with the new Obamacare regulations, no one will be hiring for many more hours than that anyway, so it might as well be. I'm assuming also that you will not be blogging about your CF experiences, but if you are, please add an additional hour to all of that. In that case, you have just taken on a new full time job. Oh, and you do realize that YOU pay the box, not the other way around? Just checking.

In the long run, I expect you will not mind that you are paying for that unlimited membership, and somehow the rest of your life will start to absorb all the hours spent doing CrossFit related stuff, but I just wanted to make sure you were forewarned. Your new defined muscles, awesome-fitting clothes, comments from friends, energy, improved health, and new friends who share in that miserable 10-minutes of hell will be payment enough.

Bling! Girl Goes Gold!

Today's WOD was an amazing chipper. It went like this:

50 double-unders / 150 singles
40 KB swings / 35#
30 burpees
20 KB sumo dead lift high pulls
10 bear complex / 75#

my time: 13:26

Today was my 4th WOD this week, and I plan to go tomorrow. I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling kind of smoked in my shoulders and core, but nothing that will prevent me from doing tomorrow's team WOD with good pals...See, this week I took a huge step and upgraded my membership from 3 days a week to unlimited classes, a.k.a. "Gold membership." It's a pretty good deal financially, but really, I just want to push myself a little bit more--see if I can't take this a little further. While I have been very consistent in going to the box, there were still 4 whole days of the week that I wasn't working out. I'm starting to feel like something is missing on those days. I have a new goal of showing up 4-5 days per week. Dan (the owner of CrossFit Woodbridge) drew up my papers for the new contract for me. As I was filling and signing he said, "So are you sure about this CrossFit thing? Maybe you should check out L.A. Fitness down the street" (shaking my head, here...Oh sure...Zumba for me.) I handed the clipboard to him and he smiled and said, "Welcome to the club." Weird. What a thought...I just stepped into the realm of "the club," the people who are either seriously committed or seriously need to be committed (if you know what I mean) because they are gonzo over CrossFit. I wouldn't call this an obsession, exactly. Just a serious hobby, and the funny thing is, I kind of stink at it. Even funnier, they accept me anyway.

The Accidental CrossFitter has been quiet the last couple of months. I have been trying to decide whether I should continue blogging my CF journey or not. I'm not a newbie anymore, and I'm not sure if I have anything super-inspiring to say about it, but in the last couple of weeks things have been turning over again in my mind, and in fact, I have some thoughts. I don't much need to blog my daily WODs. After a while it becomes kind of same-old. Do people really want to read my work out junk? Nah. But I have some thoughts about other stuff...so I'll carry this on a little bit longer.

See...today I met a girl at the box who just started on Monday. She's still in pain from her first WOD, and today she did this one. Her form was awesome, she was so strong...but she was nearly in tears. There was much more than just the pain of the WOD going on inside of her, and I could relate. We cheered her through her last reps and I remembered the agony of being last. I remembered the agony of feeling like I couldn't do it, like I would never measure up, that I was never, ever going to be the fit girl in cute jeans that I wanted to be. After the WOD we talked, and I told her the truth--that she was going to hurt in places that had nothing to do with muscles, and she nodded, knowing exactly what I meant. I also told her not to be afraid of it...Here I am over a year later. Gold. I'm not fast and I'm not fancy when I complete a WOD, but I am becoming the girl in jeans that I wanted to be.

...Did I mention that my best friend, my hero, my stud-muffin husband has also joined after a year of me wearing him down? Oh yeah, that happened last week. #happy